


Big Dumb

by Vee



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Belligerent Sexual Tension, Diary/Journal, M/M, Mixed Media, Roommates, Sexual Tension, Texting, adults who can't do anything right, total losers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-20
Updated: 2014-04-09
Packaged: 2018-01-05 07:22:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1091161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vee/pseuds/Vee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To put it simply, an A/U in which Erwin and Levi are grown-ass roommates who are essentially terrible at everything, including admitting they have feelings for one another.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Cat and I decided to collaborate on this A/U after a text conversation went a little too far. This has since become something of a small obsession of ours, just because the idea of Erwin’s consistent failure at life is endlessly amusing, as is the idea of Levi’s every attempt at cool backfiring.

 

 

Levi shut his laptop as an act of finality. He could only hope the meeting would end well, because the previous couple of ads he responded to had been nothing short of disastrous. As wonderful as it was to spend every waking moment around the person he called his platonic life partner, he was growing a little tired of bumming it on Hanji’s couch. He set his laptop on the floor and slid down the couch (her couch), pulling his knees up as he curled in on himself and stared up at the ceiling.

“You’ve got a look,” Hanji quipped as she planted herself on the half of the couch that Levi wasn’t occupying. She brought her legs up onto the cushion, shoving her socked feet under Levi’s butt and wiggling her toes. Levi wondered briefly if it would deter her if he threatened to rip one on her feet, but by and large he knew that she’d probably retaliate by shoving her toes into his asscrack. Instead, he just blinked at her from over his knees.

“It’s not a look,” he said patiently. “It’s just my face.” As he picked at a fraying hole in his jeans, Hanji nudged him insistently to continue talking. She knew him far, far better than he often gave her credit for. So, with a dramatic roll of his eyes, he went on. “I replied to another ad. We’re meeting tomorrow for lunch.”

Hanji cooed and shifted onto her knees, far more interested in what he had to say than in keeping her feet shoved under him. She leaned into his personal space, which was already more or less non-existent because of her. “Maybe you’ll land yourself a sugar daddy. Wouldn’t that be nice?”

Levi pushed her face away with a light swat to her cheek. “He works at Pier One.” There wasn’t any real effort behind the gesture, so Hanji just snickered.

Figuring they both needed something more than conversation to pass the time, Hanji wandered off to her little kitchen. She returned with a half-full bottle of white wine, pulled the cork out with her teeth, and spat it onto the floor. Levi immediately leaned down to pick it up and set it on the coffee table. He turned down the bottle when Hanji offered it, instead spreading out to stretch his legs over her thighs. She rubbed his shin soothingly; she could sense the silent waves of his distress.

“You can stay here as long as you need to.” She reminded him with a firm nod, and he grunted in response, turning his face to hide his grimace in the over-stuffed decorative pillows he burrowed into. Stubbornly, he kept his face there, pretending to fall asleep.

Eventually, he heard Hanji drop the empty bottle off the side of the couch before she wandered off to her room. He didn’t roll onto his back until he heard her bedroom door click shut.

_The next day…_

Erwin arrived at Chipotle thirty minutes early. Chief among his concerns was whether Levi would even show up on time. At the same time, he knew that he would forgive lateness considering how desperate he was. Since his last roommate left him holding the ball of complete financial responsibility for a two-bedroom apartment, he’d been growing acutely aware of the problems with his current living space. The dog smell in the carpet was one thing, but the constantly faulty plumbing and incessantly shouting upstairs neighbors were unforgivable. After reviewing ads all week, he was starting to glance wistfully at those for communities that only accepted residents 50 and older.

It was his own fault, though, for being taken advantage of on so many occasions.  _Maybe this time it’ll be different_ , he thought. A firm policy of standing his ground was leading him into the new roommate search. After all, being nice and being a pushover didn’t have to be synonymous. 

After finishing most of his iced tea in record time, Erwin left the table for a refill. During his very brief absence the table was claimed by a mother with three unhappy children who were quite vocal about wanting McDonald’s instead. It was lunch hour. The place was packed. Meeting someone new in public was common sense, but meeting someone new and hearing himself think at the same time in a crowded downtown Chipotle was starting to seem unlikely.

If Levi even showed up on time.

Finally, Erwin walked outside. Rain was starting, drizzling only slightly. The outdoor tables were situated just far enough beneath an overhang that it was less a matter of being rained on and more a matter of it being a horrible place to enjoy a meal. 

Every young man that walked up to the door was potentially Levi. Maybe Erwin looked like a creep, to be staring blatantly at all of them, but the likelihood was that they all just felt sorry for him and wondered why he was sitting at a table on the patio in the rain.

Despite Erwin’s fears, Levi was prompt. He had never been anything other than that. The only problem was that Erwin had no idea that Levi was there, much less that he claimed a seat at a quarter to one in the corner of the crowded restaurant (could Chipotle really be called that?). He had the decency to push his hood down once seated and comfortable, watching people come and go. With an almost challenging gaze, he eyed every blond that passed by him, and he wasn’t ashamed to text Hanji jokingly about the man who had his table taken by a family. He was handsome, incredibly so. He told Hanji as much. But Levi knew he wouldn’t be nearly lucky enough to have a hot roommate.  
  
He checked his watch for the time as his agitation grew. Erwin was late. By ten minutes. Levi pocketed his phone and shouldered his bag, ready to declare the adventure a waste of his time when he pushed out of restaurant. A couple shoved by him in the doorway, forcing him to hold the door open for them, but not forcing too much because Levi was just a nice guy like that.

It was then, standing in the doorway while the woman took her time shaking her umbrella out, that he noticed the man from the stolen table sitting all alone. Outside. Where it was beginning to rain. Of course. Levi wanted to drag his hands down his face and sigh in absolute exasperation, but he kept the urge contained as the approached the table.  
  
“Erwin?”

Erwin’s whole face melted into an expression of relief as the voice interrupted his worrying. “Levi? Yes. Yes, I’m…” He stood up and reached awkwardly to extend a hand for Levi to shake, balancing between table and chair with one leg until he could sit again. Only once standing did he fully realize how much shorter Levi was. “I’m Erwin. Nice to meet you.”

After chastising himself for being relieved that his new potential roommate was at least attractive, Erwin cleared his throat. He sat down again. “Sorry about the table.”  

Levi managed to put on a tight smile when he shook Erwin’s hand. He sat himself immediately to the other man’s side, avoiding the third chair spattered with rain. “It’s fine. I saw your table inside get taken, I just didn’t realize, I guess…”

Trailing off, leaning back, he gave Erwin an appraising look as he chewed the inside of his cheek, his expression one of vaguely irritated confusion. Moving both chin and eyes in indication of the thing around his neck, Levi arched a brow. “That’s not a tie.”

Erwin swallowed the instinct to feel hurt by the tone, but gave in to a pout as he said, “It’s a bolo tie! I like it…” and touched it. “I guess I could have been clearer.” His eyes swept Levi, as quickly as possible. He seemed almost overwhelmingly intense, just sitting there, but Erwin had always been a little intimidated by new people, unless it was in a work setting. “I have to admit I feel a little overdressed, haha.”

The humiliation flickering across Erwin’s face was obvious, and Levi felt the tiniest twinge of regret for being an asshole right off the bat. “No, you’re fi—I mean, it’s fine. You’re going to work soon anyway, right? I just woke up and showered and came here.” He gave a small shrug, dragging his finger through a small puddle of rainwater that managed to splash up on the table. “Anyway. About rooming?”

"Yes! Absolutely, about rooming. I just want as nice a place as we could get, you know. Seems like we’re both working pretty close to Lakestone Apartments, so I was thinking we could try that, if you like it. Um, for the details…” Erwin paused. “I’m sorry. I just jump right into the business to get it out of the way." Most of the time, he looked down at the table as he spoke. Though Erwin Smith was a good manager, it had been remarked again and again that he tended to be intimidated by the act of friendly interaction. "Everything would be 50/50, including utility deposits if needed. I can just transfer my power account, but you’ve got to do water brand new with that place. Internet, cable if you want it. We can talk about the dollar amounts later, but I just want to make sure you’re cool with that."  

"Yeah, yeah, Lakestone is fine." Levi watched Erwin the entire time he talked, trying and failing to catch his eyes during the mostly one-sided conversation. He was very diligent in staring down at the table. _That’s equal parts cute and pathetic,_ Levi thought. _No, actually. It’s mostly pathetic._  When Erwin finished speaking, he responded with a slow nod. “Paying half is all right by me. Do you have a car?”

"Most of the time. I mean—" Erwin sucked in a breath and decided to rephrase himself. "My car’s not 100% reliable, but I’m good with taking the bus if I need to. How about you? Car?"

Levi shook his head and drummed his fingers lightly on the table. “I have my license, but sold my car a few months ago. So bus.”

"The bus is good, though. I’ve been using the bus sometimes, too." Erwin nodded his head and braced himself with a quick roll of his shoulders, drawing up to a straighter posture as he began his next question. "So… are you gay? I mean, that’s totally fine if you’re not. Or if you don’t want to tell me. It’s just… I didn’t want to seem like a creep in the ad to say I prefer living with other gay people, it’s just… I do, so—" He cut himself off, realizing that Levi was just  _staring_ at him, letting him keep talking on and on and looking none too impressed. 

Levi knitted his fingers together primly in his lap. Just because he was an ass, and just because it was funny to watch people squirm, he remained silent for a few dramatically long seconds before shrugging. “I like cock, yeah.”

Obviously, Erwin didn’t really know how to take that. His biggest fear was that Levi would seem overenthusiastic — not even about the gay question, but just about anything. That he would want to be best friends or presume too much. Instead, the vibe Erwin felt – despite the intimidating aura – was refreshing. Levi was also simply looking for a place to live, not a support system or an ear to bend.  

His bluntness, however, was another matter. Heat rose to Erwin’s ears and he felt a blush rising before he could even respond. In a frantic scramble to say something to diffuse the awkwardness, he managed to slam headfirst into the proverbial wall instead. “So do you have a boyfriend?”

Immediately, he closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath, noting only Levi’s complete silence. “I didn’t mean it in that way, by the way. Damnit.”  

 _He’s cute_ , Levi thought, gaze flicking from Erwin’s bright red ear tips to his eyes to his mouth. He hummed thoughtfully, as if actually thinking on the question. “No. No boyfriend.” He offered a tiny smile, because at that point, Erwin deserved as much.

"Good, good. Um…" The rain was getting heavier; Erwin scooted closer to the window of the restaurant and glanced over pitifully. "So how long have you lived here?" Small talk. It wasn’t his strong suit, but it felt like the polite thing to attempt. Levi’s tiny smile helped calm his nerves considerably.

"Not that long, really." Levi paused thoughtfully. "I’ve been living with my friend the last few weeks while looking for a roommate. The one who cooks? Yeah." He turned his eyes to the downpour and sighed. "Wanna go elsewhere? Kinda cold." The small talk wasn’t a problem, but the best way to really get to know each other was to play Mario Kart. He had no idea how to invite someone he’d just met over for Nintendo, though.

"I’m not cold, but—" Erwin started, caught Levi’s eyes, and decided not to be too contentious. "That’s probably because I moved here from Maine." He’ was already standing up. "Yeah, let’s go somewhere else. I’ve still got about an hour and a half." He patted himself down, though it was already incredibly obvious he wasn’t carrying anything except a wallet in his back pocket. "I don’t have an umbrella," he announced meekly.

Levi was undoubtedly amused by him. He wouldn’t go so far as to say that Erwin was skittish, but… He was definitely odd. Levi turned to hide his uncontrollable smirk of amusement while he stood and stretched his arms over his head, before slinging his bag over his shoulder. Like Erwin, Levi patted himself down to be sure his phone was in his pocket still. “Did you drive? We could just sit in your car.”

"Yeah…" Erwin leaned out slightly and squinted to see if the path to his car was relatively clear. "Yeah, I’m in the lot at the end of the block here. Not far." He squeezed as politely as he could past Levi, but of course their bodies brushed liberally. Levi did an awful job of not taking up space, but Erwin was more concerned with not tripping over the table leg anyway. "Pardon," he mumbled, noting that Levi seemed to smell pretty good. Again, not necessarily the healthiest thing to think about when vetting a new roommate.

"This way." Pointing, and then cringing, Erwin held a half-hearted hand over his head as he stepped onto the sidewalk. Levi pulled up his hood and resolved not to let his gaze linger on Erwin’s ass as they walked side-by-side, mostly silent because Levi didn’t feel the need to talk about nothing.

Offered an open door, Levi slid into the passenger seat of Erwin’s car and rubbed his hands together for meager warmth. After giving the interior a quick once-over, he deemed it acceptably clean. He turned in his seat to face Erwin, digging his phone out of his pocket. “Could I get your number, though? If you’re serious about rooming with me.”

"Uh, yeah! I am!" Erwin pulled out his own phone and asked Levi to prompt him when ready. After giving him the number, he kept his phone on his lap, and started eyeing his car for any unsightly messiness. He wasn’t a messy person, not out of habit. His biggest problem was forgetting to finish cleaning up after himself. Luckily, though, there weren’t any half-empty Starbucks cups shoved into the holders. "Anything else you want to know? Any potential deal-breakers?"

With number trading officially out of the way, Levi felt his apprehension begin to melt away. He allowed himself to relax into the seat, burrowing his face in his scarf as he pondered the question. “As long as you’re not abhorrently messy, I think this could work out.”

"Not abhorrently messy, no. Just… well, I’m not perfect."  _The understatement of the century._  “I spend a lot of time at work, is all. I transferred from Maine for a pretty big pay increase because the last manager fucked this store up royally, and I’m good at damage control, so… I’m still trying to clean up after the last manager’s mess, even seven months in. So I don’t really find the time to make a mess at home anyway.” He wanted to say more but stopped himself, licking his slightly chapped lips. “So yeah.I think this could work. You wanna… maybe go look at Lakestone later this week? When are you off? In fact, when do you work? Do you need a ride?”

He was talking too much again, and he knew it. And again, Levi sat in silence to listen to the rambling. His demeanour aside, Erwin spoke in a steady, confident manner. He didn’t stutter through the lengthy talks. Levi nearly zoned out listening to him, though, blinking at Erwin for a moment before he found the wit about him to respond.

"Oh, uh. Yeah, I mostly work in the evening, and sometimes overnight. I don’t work until tomorrow afternoon, if you want to go in the morning?" Levi tilted his head to the side questioningly.

"Sure. Sounds good. Do you want to meet at the office around 10? If they ask for a deposit up front, can you swing that now or do we need to wait for that?" 

The rain began to fall heavier, blocking them in a curtain of water pummeling the windows. “Wow it’s really coming down.”

"I could probably make the deposit, yeah…" Levi nodded, staring out the window as the rainfall picked up to be a steady buzz outside the safety of Erwin’s car. He wrinkled his nose, not even remotely looking forward to walking back to Hanji’s in the downpour. Maybe she would pick him up. "It’s too cold to be raining this much."

"Yeah. It’s too cold to be outside when it’s wet, you’ll get sick." By the time Levi realized Erwin was talking to him, he had already gone on. "Where are you headed? Even if it’s not work, I couldn’t live with myself if I made you walk." 

Erwin turned the key in the ignition, just enough to start the heater. 

Levi gave him a sharp look and considered protesting. Once blasted with a burst of hot air from the vent, though, he decided that his pride could take a free ride home.

"You can just take me to my friend’s."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa hey WHOA we’re really happy about the response to the first chapter/section/whathaveyou. So, rather than stretch out the time between updates we decided to keep it short but snappy with updates. So, this is a short one (urge to make Levi joke… rising…) but we couldn’t resist leaving it on this note. Enjoy!

**_Erwin’s journal - November 20 th_ **

Signed the lease today! It went so smoothly that I’m almost scared. I’m so used to being the only one who has his shit together that someone else who shows up prepared is more of a novelty than a comfort. I really hope it keeps up this way. Anyway, we move in next Wednesday. Pretty exciting. It’s a first floor apartment, nice size. The kitchen’s pretty big. At least the carpet doesn’t smell like dog. I still have to reserve the truck for moving day. Actually, while I’m thinking about that, let me do it. More updates as events warrant.

~*~

**_Levi’s journal - November 21 st_ **

Did lease things yesterday. Signed shit. Threw deposit money at our new landlady. I don’t have work until this evening, so Hanji decided we should get plastered. And get plastered, we did. We decided to pack my stuff up after blowing through a box of Cran-brrr-itas, which was… eventful. I’m going to repack those boxes after I finish writing this entry.

Erwin kind of reminds me of a big golden retriever. I mean, he’s huge. He’s handsome. He’s kind of dumb. We’ll see how it goes.

~*~

**_Erwin’s journal - December 1 st_ **

When we moved in the only problem was the bedroom situation. I guess we hadn’t really paid much attention to the layout, but the fact is, the bedrooms are right next to each other. I hate that, but it’s not like I need to worry. I told Levi as much when we moved our rooms in. He said maybe I was making a mistake, putting my bed up along the inside wall, because his bed was on the same wall. “Don’t worry about me,” I said, “I’m the last person who’s going to be having any wild, headboard-banging sex up against the walls.” He just looked me up and down and said “That’s depressing” and said he’d move his bed instead.

So we’re in! We drew straws and I got the en suite bathroom, which Levi said was just as well because if we have guests over he wanted them to at least have a clean bathroom in the hall. I think he underestimates my neatness, but I’m trying not to be offended.  

~*~

**_Levi’s journal - December 1 st_ **

A challenge has been issued. I’m going to focus on that instead of the idea of Erwin’s bed being against our shared wall, because yikes. That’s all kinds of tempting.

 I mean, he didn’t actually  _say_  anything, but I know he was thinking it. He snorted this stupidly endearing laugh when I said I’d at least be able to keep the guest bathroom to my standards, since he got the master bedroom. So I went out today and spent maybe more than I should have to stock our laundry room shelves with cleaning product. Gonna go do that now.

~*~

**_Erwin’s journal – just barely December 2 nd_ **

I have underestimated Levi’s neatness.

~*~

**_Levi’s journal – just barely December 2 nd_ **

Someone has a monster in his pants, holy shit. Ho-ly shit. And he’s apparently not very good at hiding it. But I guess that’s what happens when you bend over a table  _(to clean it)_  in front of a 30-year-old virgin. The way he talks about sex just makes me wonder if he’s seen a dick that isn’t his own. Does he even jerk it? Oh. Now I’m thinking about it again. Why am I doing that? Stop doing that.

He tried to be all cute and put a pillow in his lap and I was  _only joking_ when I asked if he was hiding a chubby. But then he started stammering and he was suddenly all flustered, which just made me feel a bit ruffled too. And throughout it all, he kept this awful, deceptively straight face.

I wonder if he can keep an expression that neutral if he’s getting his dick su- NO.

~*~

~*~

**_Erwin’s journal – December 2 nd_ **

I would feel bad about unintentionally interrupting what I just definitely heard, but I was the one with the boner so why is he the one fapping in the next room?

~*~

~*~

**_Erwin’s journal - December 6 th_ **

I have to stop wondering things out loud. First I asked what was so great about Dexter and wound up letting him keep me up until 4:00a.m. on my admin day to watch it, and then there’s what happened this evening. I just wondered out loud, again while we were eating kettle corn and watching Dexter (it’s actually really good), “What’s going on under your shirt?”

I don’t know I thought it was a heart monitor or he’d gotten something stuck in it or something, I’d just noticed it looked sorta bumpy and  _I’m not good at being tactful._

So Levi just stands up and keeps his eyes on me, says nothing, grabs the bottom of his shirt and just starts pulling it up slowly. I got nervous and started wondering how quickly I could make it to my room, but it answered my question: what’s going on under Levi’s shirt is that both of his nipples are pierced.

And until this evening I had no idea that was a turn-on. After showing off his chest for a good ten seconds, he sat back down without another word and went back to the kettle corn. I kept looking over at him, being discreet about it. He’s also pretty cut, which is a surprise from such a little guy. I mean I should have been able to tell, his neck is ridiculous. But I wonder which gym he goes to. Maybe we can work out together. Maybe I can get a better look at those piercings in the locker room.

My roommate has nipple rings and a bubble butt.

I have no idea what happened in the episode we were watching and I think he knows I wasn’t really thinking about sleep when I announced I was going to bed.

~*~

**_Levi’s journal – December 6 th_ **

Okay, so he definitely jerks it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After several delays we've become completely convinced that this fic is cursed. However, the third chapter's finally comin' at ya booyyy-eeeeee!!! Thanks for waiting, we hope you haven't forgotten about these idiots. Also, heeey there's a one-two punch tonight, because I've got a (much-needed, you'll understand when you finish this chapter) direct follow-up very nearly done and the minute I hit "Publish" on this I'm going to turn around and finish that up as well. Stay tuned bbs.

Nile abandoned a gig teaching theater to ungrateful high schoolers when someone clued him in to how much more money it would pay if he just became a retail manager with the right company. Three years later he helmed the busiest Starbucks in the city, which just happened to be a stone’s throw from the Pier One Imports.

“I hope you won’t mind my using a tired phrase,” he said as he scrawled “Erwin” on a grande hot beverage cup. “But you sure do have a pep in your step, lately.”

Erwin fairly beamed. “Things are working out. That whole roommate thing I told you about calmed down.”

“Did it really?” Nile eyed him carefully as he left the register and proceeded to make Erwin’s Gingerbread Latte himself. “Is that all it takes to get you looking like that?”

“How do I look?” Erwin asked, sounding as naïve as he did pathetically sincere.

Nile shrugged to avoid commitment to any one thing, and as he often did during Erwin’s ritual morning visits, he cursed the big cute idiot’s inability to take a hint.“I don’t know, you look all sunny I guess.”

“Ah, thank you!” Erwin smiled out the window, catching Nile’s eyes for just a moment on the way. “I have a good roommate.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah!”

“Well, I hope they’re treating you as well as you deserve. Guy or a girl? If you don’t mind my asking.”

“Oh, no, I don’t mind! He comes in here, too, you might know him. Buff little guy, works at the casino—“

“Levi?” Nile barked and withheld Erwin’s drink at that. Erwin looked momentarily crestfallen as he reached in but was denied.

“Do you know him?”

“I learn names quickly. Yeah, I know him.” Nile’s voice ratcheted up to a strange tenor. “Well, I’m glad that’s working out for you.”

“Thank you!” Erwin grabbed the cup when Nile finally offered it. The shady tone went over his head. “I’ll see you tomorrow!”

“See you tomorrow.”

The sigh he let out as soon as Erwin left was enough for his cashier to notice. “What? What was that for?”

“I mean, is it _hard_ to tell I’m flirting with him?”

The customer waiting at the bar actually muttered in response, “Actually, it was incredibly obvious.”

“Right?” Nile gestured dramatically. “He’s so thick, maybe I’m just barking up the wrong tree.”

“Well, honey, keep trying,” the cashier noted, and Nile turned to the other tickets waiting at the bar. “Until he flat-out says no, you’ve just gotta be straightforward.”

“Why _Levi_ , though?” Nile shook his head and pushed the consideration aside, to be ruminated on at another time.

~*~

**_Erwin’s journal – December 19 th_ **

Nile’s kind of cute in a hawkish, bad haircut sort of way. He’s almost definitely seeing someone, though, not that I have time to even think about dating anyone. Oh, well.

~*~

**_Levi’s journal – December 20 th_ **

I have no idea how it’s so difficult to get my drink right. I order a fucking triple grande soy sugar-free vanilla latte in a venti cup with a half packet of splenda _literally every day_ I don’t know how the goat-faced queen behind the counter keeps getting it wrong but I’m going to start keeping track of _how_ he gets it wrong, at least. Today it wasn’t sugar-free vanilla, it was actually sugar-free caramel, which is a helluva difference because sugar-free caramel tastes like licking a hobo’s armpit and sugar-free vanilla is actually great. I am just so mad at Nile and the way he gives me fucking side-eye every time I order. First work on your fucking evil sorcerer goatee and then we’ll talk about how I need to be more patient.  

~*~

Hanji had the rewarding job of being Levi’s best friend. She loved him, she really did, but he worried her more often than she cared to admit. He was finicky and belligerent, with a quick temper and a difficult personality to sway. But, she was patient and thick skinned, and all it took was losing her temper once in middle school for him to pull the stick out of his ass and stutter his way through inviting her over to watch movies.

He was hard to get along with, and so was she. It obviously took a special kind of person to tolerate both of them at the same time, which is why Hanji decided she rather liked Levi’s roommate. Erwin was a sweet guy, as well-meaning as he was naïve – It made the energy buzzing between the two of them that much more frustrating to witness. She could sit on the kitchen counter and almost taste the sexual tension, which is something she would much rather not encounter, thank you very much.

Levi’s sorrowful, drunken midnight texts were a source of concern for Hanji. Partially, because she never realized he was so lonely. She assumed he was being his usual sullen self. She doubted Levi himself even noticed where his frustrations were stemming from.

Hanji, however, didn’t understand just how frustrating it was to be attracted to someone who came out of the shower and through the living room to get clothes from the dryer, with his towel tucked all the way to this chest.

Levi stopped, and lowered the magazine he was sort-of reading, and just _stared._

“What?” Erwin asked, looking for all intents and purposes like he was ashamed of something and had no idea why. As well he should have been.

“This. This.” Levi began to point and swish his finger around at Erwin in absolute befuddlement. “What is this?”

“I’m naked under here,” Erwin replied in a very small voice, clutching the towel tighter.

“Why do you wear your towel like that?”

Erwin took a moment to respond and Levi swore in that moment on his grandmother’s grave that if he said anything to the effect of “you _don’t_?” a Total Dork intervention was in order. “But my nipples…”

He didn’t really finish the sentence. He didn’t need to. Levi just sighed deeply and whipped out his phone, distracting himself with anything else while Erwin fished his clothes from the dryer and shuffled back to his room sheepishly.  

 

~*~

**_Levi’s journal – December 21 st_ **

I have no idea about _everything_ that happened last night but at some point I finished the bottle of sake I bought in San Francisco and started crying over _The Two Towers_. I also had like three bowls of cereal.  

~*~

**_Erwin’s journal – December 21 st_ **

Last night Levi was watching the _Lord of the Rings_ movies so I joined him, and while I’ll admit it’s a pretty emotional movie I’ve never seen an adult try so valiantly to cover up the fact that he’s crying over Samwise Gamgee. I turned to him and asked if he was okay and he got all defensive, but he knew I noticed. So he was like “oh, like movies don’t make you cry.”

I don’t really know what I was thinking, admitting it, but I nodded and said, “ _The Fox and the Hound.”_ I thought he was going to lay into me about crying over Disney movies (which were the only movies I was really allowed to watch, growing up), but instead he just threw his hands up and went “Oh my god! Oh my god we’re watching that next!”

So we watched _The Fox and the Hound_ and then _The Lion King_ , and I think Levi threw up after his third bowl of cereal and a good portion of his liquor supply. Whatever the case, he disappeared after that and I slept on the couch until two in the afternoon.

 

~*~

**_Erwin’s journal – December 22 nd_ **

I wonder what Levi wants for his birthday. I mean, he drank all that sake so maybe I should get him a new bottle of sake. That might be a bad idea, though, considering what happened after that bottle of sake. It’s in three days, maybe I should ask Hanji.

 

 

 

 

~*~

**_Levi’s journal – December 24 th_ **

Hanji took me out for the day, while everything was still open. She shoved a few twenties into my wallet and covered my mouth with her hand before I could bitch about it, which was repulsive in its own special Hanji-ish way. We caught a late lunch at Ikea after we finally chose a new coffee table for the living room. She has a good eye for matching shit, and the one that Erwin had brought was a decrepit, crumbling old thing, dented all over from years of being used at a footrest.

We went back to my apartment after that and managed to assemble the table with minimal casualties. I took the liberty to toss out the old one. It couldn’t have mattered much if he didn’t even use coasters, right?

After confirming a time, Hanji left to run to the liquor store before it closed, and I called in an order for pizza.

She came back, and we drank and ate and were merry. So very merry. And then Erwin walked through the door, his cheeks flushed and a cake balanced in the crook of his elbow, and I was drunk enough by that point to almost blurt out an offer for sex. But no, I had self-control. I could wait.

And wait it out, I did.

~*~ 

**_Erwin’s journal - December 24 th_ **

Lisa called in, on Christmas Eve, so I stayed and worked a double even though I was supposed to be home for Levi’s birthday… thing. He refused to call it a party.

It was hell at work already, but being tired and unfed and fed _up_ didn’t help at all. Business was steady so I didn’t even have time to check in, except for texting Levi once to let him know I was caught up at the store. He said it would be okay, they’d wait. “They” referred to Levi and Hanji, since Levi’s other friends happened to be too concerned with doing Christmas things. Makes sense. I still felt like crap, making them wait. By the time I got the deposit counted and the store recovered and all the Christmas sale stuff pulled down, it was nearly 7:30.

Then, on the way home, I remembered I was supposed to get the cake.

The grocery store I ordered it from was already closed, because, of course, it was Christmas Eve. So I drove up and down everywhere looking for a place that was open and eventually found a Food Lion, which was apparently closing when I ran in at 8:00. I said I knew exactly what I wanted and booked it right back to the bakery, but of course I wouldn’t be lucky enough to find a cake that said “Happy Birthday”. Well, that is, there were a couple, but one had buttercream frosting and the other was yellow cake; Levi had two stipulations concerning a cake and they were: it had to be chocolate, and it had to be whipped frosting. Getting the right cake was the least I could do, considering I was already being a pain in the ass by missing half the evening.

All I could find was a blank sheet cake that said “Congratulations” along the top, so I grabbed it with a tube of red icing and some candles. I apologized profusely to every single employee I saw as I paid and left.

Levi and Hanji were sitting on the couch watching Archer when I got home. I told them my cake story, which Hanji at least seemed to find gripping. Levi said he wasn’t really hungry and there was pizza and various birthday liquors if I wanted to join them.

I mean, he could’ve been a little more grateful for the trouble I went to with the cake, but maybe he was having a crap birthday. I can’t say. Hanji made me a lemon drop while Levi continued to drink vodka on the rocks, and I had a slice or two of pizza.

“Happy birthday,” I said at one point, and pushed my shoulder into Levi. He shot this _glare_ at me that I can’t describe, and looked like he was going to push me off, but then he just said “Thanks,” and that was that. Until I asked him what was up.

Like I can resist pressing someone to explain themselves when they seem down in the dumps.

He said that’s just how birthdays always are; a disappointment, with everyone so wrapped up in Christmas stuff that they either forget or are too busy. Hanji called attention to the fact that _we_ weren’t too busy, but Levi just moped around and announced that he needed to drink more.

About three episodes into Season 2, he started leaning against me, using me as a backrest while he threw his legs over the arm of the couch and tapped away on his phone. Hanji had to go home, to be up in time to visit her folks. It was nearly midnight. I won’t deny, it felt sorta good to just have Levi snuggled up next to me.

He announced that he was too drunk to concentrate on his game anymore and tossed the phone aside, rolled over, and landed face-down on my chest.

Then he reached up, grabbed my hand, and pulled it down across his back.

He mumbled something against my chest.

“What?”

He picked his head up just enough to repeat himself. “I said, is it my birthday yet?”

I checked the clock, careful not to break out into a cheerful Merry Christmas. “Yes!”

“Okay, good.” He wiped the side of his face with his wrist and looked up at me. Then he asked, “Do you wanna fuck?”

It all sorta blurs together, after that. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dis a terribly awkward, drunken, and possibly-regrettable roommate hookup *garbled and unsettlingly keyed-down version of Birthday Sex plays in the distance*

“Oh…” Was all Erwin could muster for the first minute or so, trying to force out a protest of some sort. That proved difficult mostly because, no matter how diligently he scanned his brain, no protest was to be found.

All he could eke out was a warning, when Levi got off the couch and started to (try to) pull him up by the arm: “I’m sort of drunk.”

“You think I’m sober?” Levi slurred back, and finally pulled so hard that he lost his footing and fell, crumpling to the floor ungracefully. “God, okay, fine, I’m just gonna ride your dick right here, then.” Once back on his feet, his eyes were heavy and he looked more than ready to make good on the suggestion. “This is good, right?”

When Levi started to straddle him, Erwin reached out and grabbed him by the waist. Levi’s waist was, despite his musculature, still small enough for Erwin’s fingers to nearly touch when wrapped around it. “Nope, nope. Uh… that’s not going to happen here.”

“But it _is_ going to happen,” Levi swayed a little in Erwin’s grasp, smile crooked and unsteady.

Erwin stood up. He held on to Levi carefully, afraid of what might happen if he let go. “What brought this on, anyway?”

A laugh tore from Levi as he threw his head aside. “Are you serious? Like you haven’t been teasing me since you moved in.”

“I assure you I haven’t been.”

“Throwing your goddamn body around like I’m made of stone—“

“What?”

”Acting all pure and innocent. How dare you?” Levi’s hands came up and he shoved, purposefully weak, at Erwin’s chest. At that, he paused. Erwin’s eyebrows crept up as Levi’s palms remained on his chest and commenced to pawing for a few moments. “Yeah, okay. Yeah, fuck you, you’re a truck.”

“Levi, I—“ Erwin started, distracted only by the way Levi’s face morphed into a genuinely predatory expression, lips pursing in obvious delight as squeezing palms traversed his pectoral muscles. “I’m not sure what you’re reading into my actions, but—“

“I thought you said you were sort of drunk. Loosen up.” His face turned suddenly stern, and one hand started to track lower. He continued to mumble. “Talking like a fucking keynote speaker, maybe you _need_ to get fucked, maybe you’ll—“

Erwin jumped back when Levi’s hand touched the button of his pants.

Levi cackled and swayed a little, left without the brace of Erwin’s hands. “You should see your face. You’re looking at me like I’m growing another head.” He paused. He muttered, “I’m trying to make that into a penis joke but I’m too distracted to be clever _and_ vulgar.”

“I don’t think you want to—“

An expression of amusement collapsed into another hard, pointed glare. “Don’t tell me what I don’t want. It’s my birthday. I want a present. It’s perfect because we already live together so we can just deny it ever happened, if that’s how you want it. But that’s beside the point; I’m still telling you _I want it_.”

His eyes swept down and rested on Erwin’s crotch, just to drive his point home and leave no room for questions.

Erwin took a few moments to react; he rubbed his temples only once before simply swallowing his nerves and asking, “Can we at least… go in the bedroom?”

Levi wilted with a deep sigh that was a mix of relief and overdramatic exasperation. “That’s what I was _trying_ to do!” He righted himself, and pushed the hair out of his eyes. For two seconds he locked his glassy stare on Erwin’s before rising to his toes and pulling his deeply conflicted roommate into a sloppy kiss. “Fuck me so hard I forget my name.”

Immediately, Erwin’s cheeks flushed to a splotchy pink, and he was only thankful that Levi was too inebriated to notice. “That’s… I don’t… I’m a little drunk.”

“I’ve had like ten more drinks than you, are you some kinda lightweight?” Levi pulled him by the shirt collar, dragging him down slightly and back as he stumbled into the hallway.  

“I just don’t think—“

“It’s okay!” In the hallway, Levi rolled him against the wall, and took the opportunity to press himself against Erwin’s body. “Don’t worry, don’t worry, this is sudden. I know. It’s okay, I’ll still make this happen, just… don’t even worry.” Perhaps afraid that Erwin might reconsider if he grew too demanding, Levi reached up and pushed two fingers against his lips. Not content to stop at that, he pushed those fingers harder, and watched with a dark smile as Erwin drew them into his mouth with a curl of his tongue.

A few moments of quiet, passionate regard relaxed them just a bit. Levi jabbed his fingers deeper, and Erwin glanced away as he tightened his lips and sucked tentatively. When the move was met with a faint growl of approval, he pushed his tongue firmly against the length of Levi’s fingers, and sucked harder.

Levi’s hips shifted until he was flush with one of Erwin’s thighs. A hard thrust of denim against cotton later, Levi told him, silently but quite desperately, how dire his situation had become. “I want you to suck my cock.”

Erwin closed his eyes and breathed out quickly, unsure of how immediately he was supposed to act upon feeling someone else’s erection. He tried to approach things logically. “Um. Let’s get on the bed first. Let’s—“

Nodding, head obviously swimming, Levi patted the chest in front of him in a reassuring manner. He managed not to get distracted, this time. “Yes, good idea. Okay. You go on in. Your room. You got a condom? That’s okay. Don’t answer that. I’ve got a condom. I’ll be right back, you go on.” He gestured breezily as he turned the corner into his own bedroom, and called out to add, “Take your fucking socks off, at least. I’ll get the rest.”    

Erwin sat down on the edge of the bed. He patted a quick rhythm on his knees. He casually pushed the shoebox containing his vibrators and lube further beneath the bed, but then considered that the latter might come in handy. Wiggling his foot, he tried to pull the edge of the box closer again but only ended up turning it further. He coughed into his hand and managed to not overthink the situation, until suddenly Levi’s command blossomed in his memory again: _“Fuck me so hard I forget my name.”_

He whined in his throat, otherwise unmoving, and when Levi suddenly appeared in his doorway, conveniently wearing just his t-shirt and underwear, Erwin looked up as if he’d been caught in the act – any act, really.

“Oh, my god,” Levi closed his eyes and shook his head. “I said get these _off.”_

Erwin tried to stammer a response as Levi sank to his knees, but all he could focus on was Little Levi poking just stiffly enough against the fabric of his plaid boxer briefs. His eyes followed that tempting sight as Levi knelt in front of him and made a sour face, yanking the socks off ceremoniously. “Gross. You’re lucky you’re hot, or else I wouldn’t touch your socks. Now lay down.”

He snapped loudly with the hand that wasn’t holding a condom, and Erwin almost said something before he realized that the balance of power was inextricably _not_ in his favor. Saying something – _anything_ – might be a giant tactical misstep. A frantic nod, then, and before he knew it Levi was stepping out of his underwear, getting his toes caught in the elastic, and nearly stumbling into the mattress. Eventually all was well and Levi tried to pretend like nothing had happened. He moved to the end of the bed.

“I’ve been… I mean…” Erwin began to speak before he could stop himself. Already he regretted it, but Levi turned to him, expecting him to continue. One thin, meticulously groomed eyebrow lifted.

What did he even mean to say, starting it like that? _I’ve been thinking of what you’d look like naked? I’ve been staring at your ass a lot?_ “That is…”

“Listen,” Levi sighed and pulled his shirt off, “I don’t have all day for you to figure out how to tell me I’m fuckable; I already know that. I’m not in the mood to wait for anything.” He moved onto the bed, wobbling in his position half-between Erwin’s legs. “Whoa. Okay, still not 100% on motor functions right now. Maybe 60%. Okay, Levi, pull it together.” He steadied himself on one thigh and grabbed up to undo the fly on Erwin’s boring black trousers.

Erwin’s arms lifted almost unconsciously, hands bracing in front of his horizontal body as if a thrill ride were in progress, as Levi yanked his pants down to mid-thigh with a couple of violent tugs. “Whoa,” he gasped.

“Whoa?”

“I...?”

“Okay, shut up again.” Levi gathered himself enough to move further up the bed, to wrap his hand around Erwin’s cock and pause in everything else he was doing. A deep breath filled his lungs. Reverently, he looked up at the ceiling.

“Levi?” Though quite content to have his dick touched, Erwin couldn’t help inquiring into Levi’s well-being.

“God is real,” Levi breathed out, pretending to wipe a tear from his eye before he stretched down and spread out. He searched for Erwin’s stunned gaze until he found it, and waited to see who would look away first as he dragged his tongue hard and slow from base to tip of the (quickly) stiffening cock.

Erwin didn’t look away, but he did have a confused expression that Levi couldn’t help waiting on. “Yes? Can I help you?”

“Aren’t you Jewish?” Erwin whispered.

Levi sighed deeply and dropped his head, hand still moving in arrhythmic strokes. He muttered, “I’m too drunk to know where to begin with that, just fucking… don’t think. Don’t talk. If you have lube, hand it over because I’m gonna need it.”

With another good, long look at what was in his hand, and Levi rose back up to his knees. Erwin was reaching beneath the bed, fumbling, finally getting his hands on what mattered and handing it over. Levi snatched the bottle from Erwin and couldn’t help noticing the way his cock twitched toward the fingers that barely brushed it.

“Oh, I can’t resist this.” He placed the lube and the condom aside, and fluttered his fingers just barely over the tip of Erwin’s cock. He laughed when it jumped in response. Like playing with a pet, Levi continued the teasing. He seemed positively delighted by the results, leaning in to poke the tip of his tongue out until the slightest ghost of a touch made Erwin twitch violently. “I can make you dance.”

“I thought you said you didn’t want to waste time.” Erwin was panting hard, held in place only by sheer panic that he might do everything wrong if he so much as dared to disrupt Levi’s plan, whatever it was. He was hardly in a position to mention he sort of liked the feeling of being teased mercilessly, considered he had no idea how long he would last after such treatment.

“Eh? Oh, yeah. But I had to budget for play time. No, here. Watch this.” Levi attempted to turn around in Erwin’s lap, to spread his legs and arch his back in the most exhibitive way he could. “ _Yeah,_ this is what you want, you—“ Halfway through the attempt at fingering himself, he lost his balance and fell to the side, getting a face full of Erwin’s sheets before he could catch himself. “Fuck it.”

All attempts at seductive playfulness were abandoned, and after a couple of minutes of only the most necessary spreading, arching, and moaning, Levi rendered himself quite prepared. With a determined nod, he pressed forward into a straddling dip, and started to grind on Erwin’s cock. “Are you ready?”

Just to punctuate the question, he pushed harder. The high-pitched noise that caught in Erwin’s throat didn’t dissuade him in the least. “I don’t know,” Erwin whispered between panting breaths.

“You don’t _know_? Oh my god, okay, fine.” He reached down and lifted up, grabbed Erwin firmly by the cock, and watched the way his face melted into a drunkenly blissful expression. “Do you want to do this? Do you want to fuck me?” Levi asked with all the passion of a pro football coach. It pulled him out of the blissful expression, but that was a trade-off Levi had considered.

“Yeah!” Erwin cried, motivated by the demanding tone.

“Okay, then, god, that’s all I needed to know. Hold still, I’m going in.” He paused. “Or rather, you’re going in. Just hold still.”

A moment and a small grunt later, Levi shifted and held out a hand to steady himself. “Okay, hang on.” He breathed harder. “It’s been a while, just… hang on.” He looked overwhelmed for an instant, and not just because of all the vodka.

“Should I…?” Erwin reached up for Levi’s arm, offering him a brace.

Levi swatted him away with a quick growl that turned into a moan as he sank further onto Erwin’s cock. “On second thought, yeah. I need that.” He grabbed for Erwin’s arm and latched onto it, then fell into a concentration that only broke when he cried out louder, mounted fully and not quite prepared to move. “Oh, god. Ohhhh, fuck, that’s good.”

Levi’s preparatory silence had given Erwin the time to examine him more fully, starting at the nipple rings that had been no small curiosity since he’d become aware of their existence. When he finally sensed that Levi had opened his eyes again, Erwin was staring at his flagrantly erect cock. They met eyes, and even in the heat of the moment Levi gave him a positively bewildered, but utterly self-assured, look.

“You’re… you’re hot!” Erwin said, like it was the discovery of the century.

“Oh my god, I _know_ ,” Levi groaned, and Erwin couldn’t tell whether that was out of exasperation or passion. He finally let go of his arm, though, and started to move his hips harder, lifting and falling a couple of times before he growled around the words, “While we’re talking about the obvious, you’ve sure got a big dick.”

“I know,” Erwin replied, in a rare but unexpectedly sharp moment of confidence. Levi chuckled softly to himself and began to move faster. “Oh. Oh, that feels… wow!”

Levi wasn’t in much of a position to criticize Erwin at that particular moment, so he just took the _wow_ for what it was and threw his head back. Committing all of his drunken energy to riding Erwin’s dick as vigorously as possible, he neglected to check himself as he started to growl more obviously into his moans. At one point quixotic ego took over, and Levi tried to lift his arms over his head. He struck a statuesque pose for half a second before he lost his balance (again) with a muttered “oh, shit” and slumped forward. Luckily, by that point Erwin had worked up the courage to follow instinct and join in, thrusting up sharply while his fingers kneaded Levi’s ass.

“Harder,” Levi gasped out.

“Is this harder?” Erwin replied, genuinely unsure of what was acceptable even as he threw his hips into the downward roll of Levi’s. A blunt, almost monstrous noise tore from Levi’s throat at the motion, and he just leaned further into Erwin’s chest, breath ragged and tongue lolling out as he nodded.

 _Natural talent still doesn’t make up for him being a complete idiot,_ Levi thought, _but this isn’t the time to value smooth talk over a cock like that. Besides, I’m feeling light-headed. I’ll probably pass out right after this… oh… oh god…_

“Oh, god! Yes!” He sat up as Erwin began to fuck him faster and his fingers tightened considerably on Levi’s waist. He bit his bottom lip and whined as places too-long-since pleasuredwere battered rather relentlessly. Rather wonderfully. Beneath them, Erwin’s bed started to make a racket of squealing old springs with every bounce and thrust. Levi enjoyed that sound; that sound meant good things were happening even if it also meant that Erwin was in desperate need of a replacement mattress. For god’s sake, he could feel the springs poking him in the knees where he was. The mattress was just terrible.

Erwin didn’t announce his impending orgasm but Levi could tell the time was nigh, if not in progress.  Communication would have probably been better with warning and much lower blood alcohol content for the both of them. The way Erwin half-gasped and made a noise like someone waking up from a nightmare in a shitty horror movie really drove the point home. Not that it was unpleasant to hear. Not that the accompanying balls-deep thrust into his ass wasn’t highly appreciated.

Hips stopped rollicking and the bedsprings stopped squeaking almost instantly. Levi swayed in his place and couldn’t decide whether to keep grinding on pure instinct, or to stay put and make sure he didn’t puke from the sudden change in equilibrium. Erwin just tossed a wrist over the bridge of his nose and, chest heaving with breath, murmured, “Wow.”

 _That was it?_ Levi thought. _That was far too quick. I’m still…_ He glanced down his body in what could be viewed as disgust by any outsider.

Again, he was in no position to criticize, so he just took the _wow_ for what it was.

“You’re not _done_ ,” Levi said, and though he tried to make it sound seductive and commanding, it probably came out in more of a whiny, entitled brat tone. “Don’t act like you’re _done_.” Erwin gave a little grunt of uncomfortable overstimulation as Levi slid off of his still-hard cock and started to scoot up his body, unbuttoning his shirt on the way. “It’s still my birthday and I still need to get off.”

There was definite fear in Erwin’s eyes, and his face tightened with excitement for just a moment as Levi pinched and twisted his nipples before draping his thighs directly over the broad expanse of his chest. “What should I--?”

“I’m going to tell you.” Levi’s hand shot out and grabbed a handful of Erwin’s hair. He twisted his fingers in it and purred darkly at the idea of what was going to happening. “No, I actually already _told_ you.”

Erwin grimaced and squinted only to watch as Levi’s free hand curled around his cock and pumped it. The tip was bright pink and so close to his face that the dribble of precome was a clear detail before Levi’s fingers worked over it. Erwin swallowed hard. Levi noticed.

“Yeah, you’d better get your throat ready. “ He pointed his dick at Erwin’s mouth, and squirmed up enough to press the head to his lips.

Erwin gasped quickly and drew back, seeming almost terrified as he looked up at Levi. Levi just pursed his lips and winked. “Okay, so, fair warning, I’m probably going to suck at this.”

“Good news is: you’re supposed to suck.”

“Oh,” Erwin started, like maybe he meant to say _oh, god_ or _oh, yes_ or maybe even _oh, wow_ , but there it was. It just stopped there. “Oh…” Erwin’s lips parted around the tip of Levi’s cock as he looked up with eyes that sought approval just as desperately as the pet Levi had already determined he was.

Stroking his fingers reassuringly through Erwin’s hair in a moment of tenderness triggered by sheer disbelief, Levi let a moan vibrate in this throat as he remembered all at once the joy of someone’s mouth on his dick. His hips rolled gently, and Erwin’s lips accommodated him. There was only a flicker of fear in his eyes.

“I’m gonna fuck your mouth,” Levi managed, unquestionably and with minimal slurring. His knees slid neatly beneath Erwin’s arms to fortify his position, and he put one palm on the wall. Cooing on a shaky moan, he took special delight in Erwin’s innocent face as he slid further into his mouth.

Erwin grunted and his throat clicked in an attempt to reconcile the unfamiliar sensation, but much to Levi’s surprise his lips still held on, sealing tightly if a tad hesitantly. “That’s good… that’s good as fuck. God, yes, suck it a little.”  

Erwin did as he was told, and Levi threw his head back with a euphoric moan. Thank goodness for his hand on the wall, for his knees latched so tightly around Erwin’s chest. The sensation was enough to make him lose his balance for probably the twelfth time that night. “Fucking _god_ , you don’t suck at this. I mean – that is – you _do_ – I mean –“ Levi cut himself off with a groan and thrust further in, watching Erwin’s face just to make sure he wasn’t panicking or uncomfortable, just to make sure it was okay to close his eyes and start moving more purposefully.

Obviously, it was. Erwin’s throat tightened around him a few times as his gag reflex tried to kick in, but he valiantly suppressed it and even reached in to squeeze Levi’s ass again, sucking, even moaning a few times. Levi rewarded the determination with a long purr, fisted his hand in Erwin’s hair, and sped up. Quick, hard breath matched his rhythm, and the room decided to start swimming again until Levi wasn’t really sure what was imminent orgasm and what was sheer drunken delirium.

“Oh, god. Ohhh-kay.” Panting and moaning, every nerve in his body vibrating ecstatically, Levi pulled out of Erwin’s mouth and looked down at him. Stroking his cock as his face went balmy from the exertion,  Levi tried to communicate telepathically but realized that he would almost definitely have to find words. “I’m about to come. Figured you wouldn’t – not that –“ He was too drunk, too tired, too fucking amazed at what they’d just done, that he suddenly didn’t care. “I’m gonna come on your face,” he blurted out, and the simple but powerful rush of saying the words combined with the friction of his hand, combined _intensely_ with being pushed up and over the edge by the look on Erwin’s face, excited but intimidated, face flushed and lips dark and wet from their workout.

Levi cut himself off of every word he tried to start; everything sort of blended in a scratchy and unattractive snarl by the time he finally came.

Seconds passed. Exactly as Levi might have imagined if he’d even dared to entertain the possibility of such a situation, Erwin was abject and silent, breathing as quietly as he could, probably trying to blend into the scene while Levi swung off of him and fell onto the bed with an exhausted, groaning sigh. Staring hadn’t been his intention; he got a good enough look at Erwin’s face, the bridge of his nose and one cheek dripping with milky come (not as thick as Levi would have liked; _how embarrassing, I need more protein_ ). One look wasn’t enough, however, and after a few moments he glanced over again.

Erwin dragged his hand over his face and immediately regretted the move. Levi was almost grateful the humilating moment tried to supplant the image of a full-on facial in his mind’s eye, but it only _tried_ and, just like that, he hoped at once that he would remember everything but also nothing by the time they woke up.

“Um…” Erwin cleared his throat and sat up halfway, also glancing down at the condom still stuck to his dick. He held the offending hand as far away from himself as possible. “I think I’ll be right back.”

“Okay,” Levi said, voice thin as he wondered what to do. They didn’t meet eyes as Erwin pulled his pants up just enough to stumble into his bathroom.

While he was gone, Levi fell asleep. When he woke up, he was still in Erwin’s bed, with his roommate curled up on the opposite side of the mattress, blanket wrapped soundly around him. Though left in his own slumber real estate, and even provided with a fleece blanket of his own, Levi couldn’t help being terrified at the position he was in.

 _Okay. We have to talk about this. At some point._ He started to scoot forward stealthily in an effort to escape the bed without having to crawl directly over Erwin and make the conversation inescapable before they were both ready. _How to go about it, though?_

 _I’ll think of a way,_ he thought, and gathered his clothes from the floor, leaving the blanket draped around his otherwise naked body when he left the room. Just before he pulled Erwin’s door behind him, he threw one last glance at the big sleeping nincompoop. He could remember quite well, even through the massive hangover pounding his blood from head to toe, that mere hours ago Erwin had _also_ pounded him pretty much from head to toe. It hadn’t been perfect, but it hadn’t been terrible.

“You’re hot and stupid and I hate you,” Levi said, a little more sadly than he probably should have, and shook his head. “Guess I’ll go do something Christmassy for your gentile ass.”

His feet refused to walk in a straight line down the hall and toward the kitchen. Bracing himself indignantly against the wall, he muttered, still to himself: “After some water. Definitely after some coffee. And some eggs. I need to eat more protein anyway.”

  


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He want that cake cake cake cake cake cake cake cake cake cake cake cake
> 
> Sorry it took so long! This story's continued existence was a subject of debate for a few weeks! Hope you guys enjoy as the plot thickens.

**_Levi’s journal  - December 25 th_ **

I was more hungover than I thought. A shower had done me some good, clearing the haze in my brain and the stuffy feeling out of my nose. I brushed my teeth, only to drink an entire pot of coffee while I sat my ass on the kitchen counter, staring at the wall opposite as I gathered my thoughts. I groped blindly for my phone beside me as I killed the last of the coffee. For a good long moment, I considered telling Hanji what had happened, but she would react with one of two extremes: excitement, or murderous intent masked with concern.

I had never been very good at one-time fucks, but I guess there wasn't any better learning experience compared to being tossed into the middle of the situation.

Setting my phone down again, I decided that it would be better to tell her once I had actually talked to Erwin (ha) and figured out where we stood. I dropped my mug in the sink and opened the fridge, only to be met with the cake Erwin had bought for my birthday. It was totally untouched, and the stickers holding the plastic cover to the base of the container were still pristine and in place. Hm.

I held the fridge open with my hip as I took the cake out and set it on the counter. ‘Congratulations’, it screamed up at me. Congratulations. Seriously? That’s the best he could come up with?

“Congratulations on the sex,” I grumbled. “Happy fuckin’ bir—”

I froze.

This was too good. I flung the fridge open again, snatching out a half-eaten container of frosting from my last movie-watching adventure of self-pity. I stuffed the bright pink frosting into a Saran Wrap icing tube, which working better than I had thought it would. If the 'Congratulations' didn't take up most of the cake, it may have turned out a little more legible, but surely, Erwin could read.

I placed the cover back on the cake tray and slid it neatly back into the fridge, between his weird gym rat protein shake leftovers and a carton of eggs.

An hour later had me bursting into Erwin's room with scrambled eggs doused in sriracha (for the headache) and toast on a plate, waking him with what I'm sure was a disturbingly chipper "Good morning, asshole! I made breakfast." I set the place on his stomach and flopped on the empty side of the bed, rolling to face him.

"Want cake?"

\--

**_Erwin’s journal – December 25 th_ **

I wasn’t really awake, and too many things were trying to be the first thing I remembered or thought about. My back hurt a little bit. It was Levi’s birthday! But he was bringing _me_ breakfast in bed. Asking if I wanted cake. Hey, I’d bought him a cake!

“Maybe…” I started, picking up the plate so I could move into a more comfortable position. I wasn’t sure what he was expecting. Did he want me to kiss him? The smell of the eggs distracted me. “Is this sriracha?” I loved sriracha.

“There’s cake in the kitchen if you want it!” He announced, and leapt from my bed just as I finally remembered that we’d sort of had sex the night before.

“Oh! Thanks—“ I started, but he was already gone.

I was hungry, so I ate. I was confused, so I sat in bed for a little while after that playing Candy Crush and trying to figure out what to say to Levi. I was dehydrated and Levi hadn’t brought me any water, so I finally got out of bed and stumbled to the kitchen. Levi was doing the dishes. I figured he might have been. I brushed past him on my way to the fridge, figuring that as long as we’d already had sex I didn’t need to worry about wandering into the kitchen in just a pair of boxers anymore.

Reaching in to grab the Brita pitcher, I saw the cake and remember, again: hey, I’d bought him a cake!

It looked a little different, though.

I sat the pitcher on the counter and caught Levi’s eyes as I turned back to look at the cake. He’d stopped his frantic dishwashing and was staring at me. That was enough to clue me in: something was up. I pulled the cake out and set it over the burners on the stove so I could get a good look at it.

It looked like a duck who’d consumed a bag of Red Hots had gotten the shits all over that cake, and I panicked in my attempt to figure out what it said. Levi seemed expectant, so I looked at him and said, plainly: “I bought a tube of red icing, you know; why didn’t you use that?”

“You can’t read it, can you?” He deadpanned.

I gritted my teeth and tried. “Congratulations or grow into Virginia.”

“What the fu—no. Moron. Why would I—never mind. Congratulations on Losing Your Virginity.”

As he went back to his dishwashing, I reminded myself that I was an adult and there had to be a simple, adult way to handle the situation. A few seconds passed and I still had nothing. I returned to my room, closed the door, and kept playing Candy Crush.

Merry Christmas.

\--

\--

Levi’s voice boomed through the wall, and Erwin dropped his phone on his collarbone at the shock. “Get in here!”

Panic and confusion got him on his feet even as his mind raced. Thank goodness he’d already called his parents. Thank goodness he’d showered. He checked his breath on his hand. Too late for that one now; had to go with it.

Erwin went over all the ways to say he still had no idea what he was doing, not really, and make that sound charming, while at the same time he thrilled to the idea of just how much he wanted to do this – to do _Levi –_ again. He rapped quietly on Levi’s door in the hallway and cleared his throat, just in case there was going to be some sort of delay or reconsideration.

Either way, though, he was already turning the knob, and already had his mouth open to start saying something about how he was glad someone was ready for this.

Once over the threshold Erwin held up a finger, and didn’t even realize his mouth was still open.

Levi was naked. Levi was very naked, and very prepared.

“Were you doing this while we were texting?” Erwin asked, trying not to sound too appalled.

Levi half rolled his eyes. “You took long enough to respond to the first one. I was hedging my bets.”

Noticing that Erwin still hadn’t moved from his spot, Levi gave his cock a long, imperious tug and stared back. “Well?”

“Merry Christmas,” Erwin breathed, a smile trembling to his lips.

“I’m Jewish,” Levi replied simply. “Condoms are there.” He pointed in the general direction of his dresser and began to turn over.

\--

**_Levi’s journal – December 26th_ **

In the immortal words of Marla from Fight Club, I haven’t been fucked liked that since grade school.

Unexpected, from a guy who just started his sexual career last night, but you know what they say about wine getting better with aging. Add something about popping a cork, and then popping a cork again, and then another fucking time, and you’ve got a good idea of why I’m not leaving my damned bed today no matter how much Hanji wants to drag me to after Christmas sales. If I rode a bike to work I’d be screwed until Thursday, and not in the good way. Though I’ll probably be that, too, if I have anything to say about it.

My birthday present, it turns out, was the most thorough dicking a power bottom could ever ask for, especially since the poor fuck was so insecure about what to do that I got to instruct him every step of the way. I say “poor fuck” here but I was the one hitting high notes that would make Lea Salonga jealous while he _very_ competently pounded me like a stubborn, cock-hungry nail that hadn’t gotten fucked sober in way too long.

Listen to me, I sound like a thirsty slut.

I actually am starting to come to the conclusion that I don’t care, I want him to do it again.

I mean, we were on the bed, I was on my knees, I was on my back, I was kinda half on my back and half in the air, we were on the floor at one point?, he sucked my cock of his own volition and it was _very good_ , and _I feel the need to mention he swallowed._ Without even asking, without even _being_ asked, just like it was no big deal. I think he’s watched a lot of porno in his life; he behaved like someone who’s watched a lot of porno in his life just waiting to meet someone willing to fill that Tight Ass Twink Begs For Hard Cock role.

Guess who has two thumbs and is more than willing to fulfill that role?

I’m gonna go see if he’s doing anything more important than playing iPhone games, I can move enough to do that again and besides I owe him like ten blowjobs for last night’s performance.

Kinda wondering whether the neighbors can hear us. That would be hilarious, if they can. Haha, fuck ye gonna go have some more loud sex.

\--

**_Erwin’s journal – December 30 th_ **

I’ve forgotten what day it is.

\--

**_Levi’s journal – December 31 st_ **

Happy New Year’s Eve, we haven’t stopped having sex since Christmas. It’s like we get home from work and immediately knock on bedroom doors and just go at it. I feel like I’m living in some weird alternate universe that only exists in bad erotic novels; my whole life this week has revolved around Erwin’s cock.

I mean, I’m not complaining, but…

Oh yeah we’re meeting Hanji for NYE celebrations tonight I suppose I should mention that. Other people? Who are other people?

\--

\--

**_Erwin’s Journal, January 3 rd_ **

I woke up at around 2:00p.m., after falling asleep face down in Levi’s bed, to a call from my District Manager wondering why the store wasn’t open yet.

After ending the call as professionally as I possibly could while naked and crawling over my similarly naked roommate who had at least managed to get to the bathroom to clean the jizz off himself before passing out, I stood in the doorway of Levi’s room and stared at the screen of my phone. I’d missed ten calls.

“What’s up?” He asked, laughing a bit, stretching deliciously and, I hasten to mention again, nakedly, as he woke up.

Maybe if it was New Year’s Day I could get away with it, since I’d been the most reliable New Year’s Day opener for years on end. Never hungover, never late, I was that guy. I was the one they relied on. I wasn’t the kind to get sloppy drunk and suck his roommate’s dick until 4:00 a.m., neglecting to set an alarm.

I was an adult, god damn it.

“Wait, what time is it?” Levi asked, flailing for his phone. I waited for him to react as he looked at his own screen. “Holy shit, I’m late!”

A look of horror crossed my face. I was holding the pants I’d thrown on his floor in a passionate fit, realizing all at once:

“This needs to stop.”

He looked at me like the implicit agreement was physically gutting him. Then I realized he’d just drunk too many Berry Acai martinis before riding me like a jockey last night and was on his way to the bathroom to be sick.

The point had still been made.

\--

\--

A couple of weeks into the new year, Hanji and Levi had retreated back into their private world of in-jokes and five-hour Netflix binges, and Erwin kept politely to his side of the couch and developed an attachment to the new tablet he bought himself for Christmas. Night after night, the scenery was the same, and occasionally Levi would make a point to turn in early or Erwin would say he was going to his room, and they would meet eyes. They knew; it was obvious they knew. There were far more interesting ways to spend an evening. But responsibility prevailed, and by January 15th Levi was sitting with his feet up in Hanji’s lap, discussing Erwin before the man in question returned home from work.

“We need to get him a boyfriend,” Levi said resolutely.

“Shouldn’t be hard, considering the way you talked about his… _talents_.”

“Yeah,” Levi shrugged and pulled the collar of his wide-neck sweater back into place, “but that’s not accounting for personality. I mean, you’ve spent enough time here, you’ve seen it. He likes yacht rock, he suggests that we play Yahtzee. He asked if _Full House_ is on Netflix, okay? He’s a loser, so he needs someone similarly loserly to fill that void. He’ll be happier that way.”

“And of course, you’ll be on hand to vet the candidates.”

“Of course I will. But where do we begin. Where does one find a loser?”

“Retail management, obviously.”

Levi sighed, angling his head against the back of the couch. “I’ll just have to put feelers out everywhere. But I am going to get him a date by the end of the month, I promise.”

“Hey, you don’t have to tell me anything. Have you ordered the pizza yet?”

“I’ll order it when he texts me that he’s leaving.” Levi glanced at his phone and unlocked it with his free hand, checking to make sure he hadn’t missed anything.

“Maybe you should tell them to send a hot gay driver.”

“I don’t want anyone too hot, okay? I still want to look good.”

“Oh my _god,_ Levi,” Hanji flicked the straw wrapper she was playing with at his head. “Just fucking date him.”

“Ew, no. The way he laughs at memes is bad enough, I can’t imagine dating him. I’m gatekeeper for his dick, nothing more.”

“Fine, whatever.” In the lull of amusement, Levi’s phone buzzed. “Is that him?”

“Yup.” Levi stretched over for his laptop, nearly kicking Hanji’s face in the process. “Good, because I was getting hungry.”

“You should still do that, though.”

Levi smirked while his attention was focused on the task of ordering pizza. “With the Special Instructions? I’ll think about it.” He paused. “I usually just ask them what their favorite Pokemon is.”

A few minutes later, he was thumbing his bottom lip thoughtfully, and Hanji caught it. “What’s up?”

“Just wondering how to word this. I’ve got limited space. How about _Send a cute driver, my roommate is gay and he needs a date._ ”

Hanji snorted as she sipped from her Diet Coke. “That’s awesome, actually. Perfect.”

“Great.”

The pizza was going to take longer than anticipated, apparently. Erwin was already home and had changed into his laundry clothes by the time the doorbell rang.

“You’re up!” Levi demanded none-too-subtly from the couch. “You’re up and I already paid for dinner; get the door.”

Erwin rolled his eyes and walked to the door, yawning as he pulled it open expecting one of their usual delivery drivers. “Hey...” he started, and then realized.

Tall. Blond. Great skin, high cheekbones. Definitely not one of their usual drivers. Erwin’s attention snapped back into focus and he stopped scratching his belly below the tank top he’d worn to the door. “Oh, hey.”

“I really hope you’re the roommate.”

“What?”

The driver, who sported one of those mustaches that managed to be attractive without being _too_ much of a 70’s porn throwback (though there was still the definite hint of 70’s porn _implied_ ) handed Erwin the receipt and smiled. Levi’s Special Instructions were printed on the top, just beneath the address.

“Levi!” Erwin turned and barked toward the living room. He heard only snickering in response.

The driver, who certainly fit the bill of “cute” from a purely objective standpoint, though Erwin would have more readily said “sexy” or “handsome”, or “pretty, in that stoner sort of way”, laughed to himself and passed the pizza boxes over. “So you _are_ the roommate.”

“I don’t… there’s been a mistake.” Erwin shook his head in embarrassment and tried not to look him in the eyes.

“Really? Because that would disappoint me.”

Erwin glanced at the driver’s chest, trying not to notice the way the Papa John’s shirt clung to the muscle definition there. The name tag read “Mike”. “That’s... nice… Mike. I mean, sorry but this is probably a prank, and…”

“What do you mean. Are you not single?”

Erwin coughed. “No, I’m definitely single. “ And then laughed awkwardly. “I’m definitely single, oh yeah.”

“So,” Mike shrugged with his hands in his pockets. “Are you gonna be around here tonight?”

“What? Why? Yes. Why?”

“I was thinking I could swing back by after I got off work, if you want.” His eyes swept Erwin appraisingly, and he smiled in a less smarmy way than Erwin had been expecting. “I’m not doing anything special.”

“Um…” Erwin swallowed hard. “We were just gonna… that is… we were gonna watch Star Trek Generations. Probably First Contact, after that.”

“Sounds awesome.”

Erwin’s mouth twitched into a half-smile, just as Levi’s voice interrupted the magic moment. “It’s getting hungry as fuck in here, what’s—“ He rounded the corner, and stopped dead in his tracks.

If he were a cat, the fur on his back would have bristled and his tail would’ve gone wide as a toilet brush. Perhaps, Levi thought as he got an eyeful of the aged-up Abercrombie ad on their doorstep, he’d made a fatal error.  


	6. Chapter 6

**__ **

**_Levi’s journal – January 20 th_ **

I guess we have a cat now.

I named him Bread Pudding because I was tired and hungry when Erwin asked me what we should name him.

Erwin calls him Puddin’. His voice changes completely when he says it. It’s unfairly adorable, it goes up an octave and I can’t even make fun of him for it because he’s so nice to this cat. People who are nice to animals are my weakness. I fucking hate him and I hate this cat.

I’m gonna go clean something.

~*~

“There he is,” one of his baristas said in a teasing, slinky voice. Nile just growled deep in his throat, making his way to the cash register.

“Good morning!” Erwin greeted him, like a goddamned ray of sunshine even though it had been raining and snowing for three days straight and everyone else was in a pretty foul mood.

Nile did not let the observation go unnoted. “Hey, sunshine.” He tried to say it derisively, but every time Erwin showed up in the store his heart fluttered in a way that made him hate everything. Mostly Erwin Smith and his perfect face. “I want to know what you’re on that’s got you smiling on a day like today.”

Erwin shrugged overdramatically and looked to the side, managing to be so effortlessly attractive in that moment Nile started shaking his head on the spot. He almost rolled his, eyes, too, but that seemed like too much. “I’m sort of… I mean, I’m dating someone. It’s going really well.”

An invisible bullet shot from across the room, created from the bright tone of Erwin’s voice, and exploded right through Nile’s heart. He tried not to show it, and probably overcompensated in the attempt. “Really? That’s great! How great for you! Oh, man, that’s awesome!”

It was one thing to figure he never had a chance, but it was completely another thing for someone else to have it. _Don’t tell me about him, don’t tell me about him, don’t tell me about him…_

“It’s only been a few days, but he’s just… too good to be true. He puts up with me, first of all, which is unusual.” Erwin laughed in the most genuinely self-effacing way Nile had ever heard.

 _I’d put up with you all night long, anywhere you wanted me to,_ Nile thought, trying to keep up the façade of genuine interest and support as Erwin went on like a twitterpated teenager.

“And he’s so _chill_ , and he’s so _hot_ ¸ oh man, and—“

“Do you have a picture?” He had to see. He just had to see the competition. The thought of Levi living with Erwin already made his teeth gnash, and Levi was a pathetic little fucktruck in Nile’s experience. He wanted a face to put on the name of the man who was making Erwin act this way, and throw mental lawn darts at it. _Come to that—_ “What’s his name?”

Erwin was already reaching for his phone. He grinned. “Mike.”

 _Mike._ The name was so ubiquitous that Nile noted it without even trying to conjure up a mental picture. No need, though; Erwin was leaning closer, holding up his phone, obviously eager show off. “This isn’t the best picture, I know, and he’s in his work clothes, but—“

Nile only needed a second. He held up a hand and cut him off. “Wait.”

“Yeah?”

“This is your boyfriend.” His eyes flashed to Erwin darkly, and his whole body started to vibrate on a low current. Anger, jealousy, disbelief maybe?

“Well, I wouldn’t say that. I mean, we just started dating but I think, yeah, it might get serious if—“

“ _This,”_ he pointed firmly at the screen, “is the guy you’re dating?”

Erwin shrank slightly. “Yes,” he answered timidly.

“And his name is Mike?”

“Yes.”

“Mike Zacharius.”

“I… yeah that’s his last name, but…”

Nile threw his head back and cackled uncontrollably. There was venom in the sound, no doubt about it. Thank goodness the store was otherwise devoid of customers. “Hold on,” he said, addressing Erwin’s crestfallen and confused expression. Pulling out his own phone, hoping the Wi-Fi would be reliable enough for the moment not to be lost by the time he pulled up his browser, Nile kept flashing little glares at Erwin. “Hold on, let me show you something. I don’t know if you’re aware of this or not but I just want to confirm it.”

“What the heck are—“ Erwin almost got the question out, but Nile held up a halting finger. Finally, he held up the screen.

Erwin’s eyebrows pushed in together first, but a puzzled look like that was simply par for the course with the guy. Then, it dawned on him. Then, his stupid pretty lips parted slightly. He grabbed the phone from Nile and tried to say something. All he managed was: “ _What.”_

“I think the main question I want to ask you is, why is he working for Papa John’s?”

“Holy shit,” Erwin whispered, scrolling through the Google Image Search results reverently. Then, he processed Nile’s question. “Oh! Yeah, he said he was just staying here for a few months and wanted to make some easy extra money. He said this isn't his main job, but I don't know, I thought maybe he did something like... computers or something.”

“Nope! He's a model!” Nile chirped, hands on his hips, wondering what sort of world Erwin lived in that he didn’t know who Mike was on sight. He wasn’t a _celebrity_ , by any means, but a few days on the right blogs and gay porn Facebook pages, and you were sure to see him. “And, shall I add, congratulations.”

“Holy shit,” Erwin repeated, obviously glued to one image in particular. Nile leaned over, sneering to see which one Erwin had found.

He could only give a hollow laugh when he saw. “Yeah, have fun with that.” Pulling away to help the two customers that had walked up to the counter, he added, “Hope I didn’t spoil any surprises.”

Erwin almost left without ordering his coffee and still holding Nile’s phone. The entire time he was at work, he kept spacing out, thinking about Mike. Thinking about Mike potentially being his boyfriend. Thinking about Mike being a model. An _adult_ model. Thinking about Mike naked. Taking a break, Googling him again, retaining the image a little clearer in his mind each time.

~*~

 

~*~

**_Levi’s journal – January 23 rd_ **

A great way to find out that your roommate is officially (I guess) dating the hot pizza delivery guy is to come home unexpectedly early from the movies and find him face-down in Erwin’s crotch.

Like ffs your room is literally right there how hard is it to ~~get up~~ leave the couch once Hell’s Kitchen is over. Fuck you. At least I have the cat. I have grown fond of this cat. This cat seems just as appalled as I am. I connect with Bread Pudding on a level I never expected.

At the same time I have to make sure this Mike guy is on the level. Erwin tells me he’s a model on the side. Not that I _care_ , he might as well be an insurance adjuster and the story would still seem sketch as hell. What’s the end game, what’s the angle? Guys like that don’t just fall from the sky.

Wait, I thought that when I met Erwin, too.

I bought a box of condoms and left them on Erwin’s bathroom sink, lord knows he’s not the type to be prepared. I mean, he never was when we were fucking.

Even writing that makes it seem like I’m talking about something that happened years ago.

I love this cat. She won’t come near me and only meows at me when she wants food but she’s all I have.

~*~

~*~

**_Levi’s journal – January 25 th_ **

I AM NOT BITTER.

I’m just realizing all at once how thin our walls are and they’ve started fucking. Athletically.

~*~

**_Erwin’s journal – January 25 th_ **

Are you allowed to call something the best (insert any sex thing) you’ve ever had when you’re still pretty new to all sex things because _sweet baby jesus._ I was under the impression that I’d be happy with whatever just because Mike looks the way he does, and then I found out what that mouth is capable of. Levi caught us in the act, which would have been more embarrassing, I’m sure, if he didn’t already know what I looked like in that position (or… not really. I mean he was always… he wouldn’t have… never mind). Still, it was sort of humbling, so we’re taking it to the bedroom tonight.

I’m gonna go for it and ask if he wants to. You know. Go for it. I just can’t hold off any longer and it’s not like we’re waiting for marriage or anything, damn.

Even if not, though, blow jobs are good.

~*~

Levi found a pair of headphones and shoved them over his ears, neglecting to realize that Nicki Minaj probably wasn’t the best to lull him to sleep. After listening through Pink Friday and then most of I Am… Sasha Fierce he pulled the shells of the headphones away just long enough to confirm: yup, they were still going at it.

“Fuckin’ take a break.” He rolled his eyes and groaned, turning up Beyonce and trying to close his eyes again. For a moment he considered knocking on the wall just to disrupt the mood, but he was too lazy to get up.

Somehow, he fell asleep, but when Bionic started playing, it was enough to wake him back up. He glanced at the clock. Approximately two hours had passed. It was well after 3:00a.m. Surely they’d stopped by now.

After a quick sound check, all seemed well. He was hungry and still cranky. A trip to the kitchen was in order while there was peace and quiet to be enjoyed.

Fully expecting Bread Pudding to assail him with needy meows as soon as he opened the door, Levi was instead surprised that the cat was nowhere to be seen. Usually she slept in the hallway, pouting because no one let her into their bedroom at night. He walked through the hallway groggily. The only sound he could make out at first was the beep of their smoke alarm, which desperately required a battery change. If Erwin was the one who kept insisting on burning garlic bread and setting it off, he was the one in charge of that task. Levi was willing to die in an apartment fire if it meant standing his ground on that one.

The nearer he drew to the kitchen, the more clearly he heard crying. Soft, pathetic, man-crying.

 _Oh no,_ he thought. _Oh no, here we go._

For a moment, he felt elated, and then quickly beat that down. _Wow, Levi, you’re a piece of shit._

He lingered in the doorway and leaned against it, waiting until Erwin became aware that he was nearby. It didn’t feel right to announce himself, not when Erwin was sitting there with a bag of pita chips and a strange, far-off look in his teary eyes, holding a hand over his mouth and occasionally sniffling. Bread Pudding was curled up on his other side.

Levi shuffled to make his presence more obvious, and Erwin glanced over. His first reaction was to look away, hide his face quickly, and then move the pita chips to the coffee table. No wonder. Those were Levi’s pita chips.

A few steps into the living room, Levi spoke. “Okay, do I have to kick his ass? Do I have to slash his tires, more realistically?” He tried to sound as sympathetic as he could.

“No!” Erwin said, waving a hand like he’d broken out of a trance. “No, nooooo please don’t. No.”

Levi sat gingerly on the edge of the couch, trying to understand. “Okay. I won’t. But something happened, I take it?”

“Yeah.” Erwin just nodded. _Ever straightforward, this guy._ He paused for a very long time, until Levi was nearly convinced he wouldn’t go on. Then, he sighed and almost laughed. He sniffled again, though, and Levi noticed he was still crying. Despite it, Erwin’s cheeks were rounded with a definite smile.

“I am so confused,” Levi whispered, half-hoping Erwin wouldn’t hear.

Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t. “So we did it. Um, that is…”

“According to the cacophony you had anal intercourse.”

Erwin cleared his throat pointedly. His eyes flicked to Levi for a split-second. “Yeah. Um. How much did you hear?”

“Until I grabbed my headphones, not much. It was mostly banging around that filtered over after that. The wall was _actually_ shaking. You’re a couple of big dudes.”

“I’m sorry.” Erwin hid his face again, and Levi took the moment of privacy to roll his eyes. “It’s just… I guess I didn’t realize what to expect until I was in the situation, and then— well it’s not like I was gonna say no, and—“

“What?”

“I was just gonna say, if you’d heard more than that, you probably heard me. I got sort of embarrassing, I’ll bet.”

“You’re already embarrassing,” Levi grumbled, and drummed his fingers on one bare knee, slouching back into the cushions. “So what the hell happened, like, did you guys get kinky or some shit?” _Because I’ll totally listen to you tell me about it, I’m not a robot after all._

Erwin sniffled again, and shook his head, staring at the wall in that dazed way. “No, he… he topped me.”

“Wait.”

“Yeah,” Erwin nodded slowly, like he was still coming to terms with it. A grin was blooming on his face. “Yeah.”

“You were crying because of that?”

Angling his head on the back of the couch, Erwin looked at Levi pitifully. He nearly whispered, “Levi, I never expected it to be so _good._ Like, it was _really, really_ good.”

“Is this a _problem_ for you?” Levi blinked twice. He tried to imagine Erwin taking it up the ass and, apparently, getting joyfully noisy about it, and then he switched off his brain by force just to stop the erection that would be near automatic if he went further with that line of thought. “Are you having a fucking religious experience right now? Should I _go?_ ”

He felt slighted, more than anything, that Erwin hadn’t wept over his sweet, sweet ass.

“A religious fucking experience,” Erwin repeated, retooling the statement just enough. He laughed at his own joke, and Levi stood up.

“Okay, do I have to bake you another cake?”

Erwin’s expression went instantly dark. “Don’t.” Almost a full minute later, he seemed to realize. “You didn’t bake that fucking cake.”

Levi grabbed some string cheese from the refrigerator and went back to his room.

~*~

**_Levi’s journal – technically January 26th_ **

Been lying awake for another solid hour trying to will myself to sleep but, you know what? I’m just gonna give up and masturbate to that thought.

Don’t think I don’t hate myself for this.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**_Erwin’s journal – February 6 th_ **

I was asking about Valentine’s Day, dropping the hint casually that I wanted to do something special (because I’d already scheduled the night and the next morning off for myself and pissed off a couple of married people on my staff who had to cover my shifts because of it. But I wasn’t going to tell Mike that), and that’s when we had The Talk. I mean, obviously Mike is moving. At the beginning of March, he says, which is a lot sooner than I figured. Apparently that’s when he’s got some jobs lined up, and he’s going to start auditions for TV and movies. I wished him luck, but he could tell I was upset.

So he said he could try a long-distance thing, see if it worked.

I’m dubious, to say the least. I don’t even like the idea of not seeing him for two days, and not to mention he’s moving to _Los Angeles_ … the pickings there have to be top of the line, why would he even want to stay with me? So I told him as much, explained how inferior I felt, and that I guess I’d understand if he just went out with me because I happened to be around.

“I wanted to hook up with you because you’re sex on legs,” he said, “and I’m dating you because you wound up being the coolest, sweetest guy ever.”

I started crying. And then when I realized how amazing he was for still thinking I was the coolest, sweetest guy after _that_ , well… I cried more.

I’m not okay.

~*~

**_Levi’s journal – February 9 th_ **

I was sitting on the couch minding my own business, checking Twitter and trying to parse the meaning of Cher’s latest tweet, and Erwin was sitting on the other end, probably playing whichever game is his new obsession. Sometimes we just did that, falling into silences while engrossed in our own shit. We didn’t even turn the TV on. A few times one of us remarked on something the cat did, and Erwin randomly would call to her, just to see her react. It seemed to give him a lot of joy, just to see the cat pay attention to him, so I put up with it. All in all, a normal evening. The fact that it was only 2:00 in the afternoon was the strange part; we were both off for the day, and neither of us had anything to do. Mike was working, and so was Hanji. If we weren’t lazy bums one of us might have suggested that we go get up to something outside of the apartment, but we both worked too much and days off were like god-sent respites of recovery. So, the couch it was. Silence. Our phones.

Erwin left the room to use the restroom, and within a moment his phone buzzed on the cushion. I looked at it because I like glaring at inanimate objects that personally offend me. I couldn’t help noticing the text message on the lock screen.

Hey babe, how’s your day?

And then:

been thinking bout gettin in that tight ass since I woke up

My eyebrows flew up. _Disgusting,_ I thought momentarily. Then, immediately, _please do go on, renowned adult model Mike Zacharius._

_Please send a dick pic before he gets out of the bathroom._

What was I even thinking? I could hop on the internet and find a picture of his dick with professional lighting on the first page of Google results. It was probably the illicit allure of it, because I was that guy who read other peoples’ private notes in school if they got passed too close to me. Also, I didn’t much like the sad effort that went into looking up trashy photos of my roommate’s boyfriend. But I wouldn’t object to the sight, if he just _happened_  to--

The next message showed up:

I’ll be over there after I get out tonight.

Great. Another sleepless night was in store. I needed to see if Hanji could hook me up with some Lunesta if those two _insisted_ on keeping it up.

~*~

Erwin walked back into the room and before he even sat down Levi smarmed, “You need to disable the lock screen notifications on your phone.”

Puzzled, Erwin ignored him at first, and checked his phone for context clues. The answer was plain as day. He stared at the screen.

“You can text him back, if you want. I’m not about to judge. I’ll even leave the room if it’ll help.” Though he tried not tease Erwin too much, there was no resisting the urge in this case. He couldn’t help noting, and smiling at, the flush that colored Erwin’s cheeks and ears. They’d never developed a relationship of any sort, so Levi had no idea how to actually flirt with him. Apparently, sexting worked. He filed that away for future reference.

“I don’t know what to say,” Erwin replied, a little flustered by the expectation.

Levi laughed. “Really?”

“I like getting these, but I’m terrible at sending them.”

“Tell him you’re gonna sit on his dick.”

Erwin flashed him a look like he was deeply offended, but Levi just rolled his eyes. “This is why you’re bad at it. You have to let your freak come out to play sometimes during daylight hours. You big prude. Here, give me the phone.”

“No!”

“All I’m saying is, he probably wants to get off right now if he’s texting you like that, and you don’t need to be texting back with some weak ass “that sounds good” or “tell me more” with a winky face. Show some enthusiasm. Keep him wanting it.” _Wanting that tight ass,_ Levi thought bitterly.

“You sound like an expert.”

“I’ve done my fair share of sexting. Now type it: I’m gonna sit on that dick.”

“That doesn’t even sound like something I’d normally say.”

“Erwin,” Levi sighed, “I don’t know how to put this but nothing you’d normally say could get someone hard.”

Dramatically affronted, Erwin let his jaw fall open. “Oh…!” He half-sassed it, managing to almost sound sturdy enough to meet Levi’s shadiness head on. It put a smile on his face, regardless, a smile that it almost seemed like he wanted to hide. “Touche!” He started typing.

Erwin excused himself a few minutes later.

“Get sooooome…” Levi called softly after him. He scowled as soon as he was alone in the room, and made little kissy noises through his scowl to get the cat’s attention. Bread Pudding ignored him. “Fuck you, too,” he grumbled at the cat, and flipped onto his back to check Facebook.

~*~

~*~

**_Erwin’s journal – February 15 th_ **

For Valentine’s Day Mike said he got us great dinner reservations. So he picked me up from work and then drove me to a swank hotel downtown. This seemed fine since there’s a really great restaurant at that hotel. But he’d gotten us a room. Actually he’d gotten us a suite. He told me we had time booked at the hotel spa the next day, and that my Valentine’s present was the chance to be really alone together for the first time since we’d met. There were also dinner reservations if I wanted them, but I think he knew I was going to suggest we order room service instead.

It was… amazing.

The present, not the room service.

The room service was also pretty amazing.

I didn’t cry. (I also can’t move today, and the massage only has maybe 12% to do with that)

~*~

**_Levi’s journal – February 17 th_ **

Several days of much-appreciated restraint on Erwin’s part ended rather abruptly. To my dismay, I’d also left my iPod in the car and it was too cold to go outside and get it by the time they commenced to banging. I thought I’d gone to bed early enough to be dead asleep before anything might happen. Alas…  I decided to at least try and make something humorous from it, so I listened more carefully than usual for dialogue.

It was pretty vanilla, honestly: A lot of “yeah,” a little “god, babe,” and some “that’s right,” the usual. The usual squeaking mattress, the usual wall-shaking weight being thrown around. And then, suddenly, a crack. Hand slapping skin. That was definitely a hand slapping skin. I perked up when I registered it, and what followed. Erwin cried out sharply, ecstatically, and my cock rose to that like Reveille. It happened again.

“Spank me,” I heard Erwin say, too clearly for me to have been mistaken and projecting my own fantasies onto the proceedings.

Welp, I figured, I might as well make the most of it. I pulled out the dildo I called Deep Impact and went to work.

Yes, all of my dildos are named after 90’s disaster films.

~*~

Levi braced himself when he heard the door at the end of the hall creak open and close again. He leaned out slightly from the counter and expected to see Erwin shuffling in for a glass of water. Instead, Mike was in the hallway, wearing jeans and a wifebeater, looking every bit as proud of himself as he should have. They regarded each other in silence, and for a moment Mike filled the door to the kitchen motionlessly, as if waiting for Levi to grant him safe passage. To break the tension, the fire alarm chirped its battery warning, and Levi returned to making his peanut butter sandwich.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Mike asked, noting the time.

Levi just turned his head in slow motion, and almost asked if Mike was kidding. He decided to withhold that, and just wait to see if the ox was as vapid as he looked.

Mike moved past him, opened the fridge, and pulled out a can of Pepsi Max. He took two sips before he cleared his throat and said, “You can hear all of that, can’t you?”

“Oh, yeah. Mm-hm.”

Mike nodded and took another sip.

Levi added, “Good job, by the way.”

“Thanks,” Mike replied, not quite so brightly that it suggested any self-doubt whatsoever. Levi almost expected him to follow that up with an ‘always nice to meet a fan.’ Instead, he took a completely unexpected turn and said, “So he says you two fucked.”

Levi was not prepared for that subject at 2:00a.m. after a rollicking session of self-abuse. Taking his sandwich in both hands, he stepped back from the counter. “We… did. I guess. Yes.”

By all logic the conversation should have gone further than that. The awkwardness should have at least gone into some drawing of boundaries, or maybe an explanation of what Erwin had said, exactly. Instead Mike just stared at Levi, nodded, and scratched the stubble under his chin. He sighed. “You wanna smoke a bowl?”

About half an hour later, Levi was lamenting his laziness in doing grocery shopping that week. He would probably end up eating everything in the kitchen, and by the time they smoked through a second bowl, he couldn’t care less if Erwin got mad because all his hummus disappeared overnight.

There was no way of knowing exactly how and where the conversation meandered after that, but eventually they started talking about ‘The Room,’ and Levi sighed. “Erwin doesn’t see why it’s so funny. He honestly doesn’t get it.”

Mike sighed in much the same way, cradling a bag of Doritos in his lap and liberally dipping one into the hummus. “Yeah, he’s so dense he’s cute sometimes, isn’t he?”

“He sure does love Friends, though.”

“Friends is funny as shit,” Mike mumbled, ready to take that one to the street.

“Hey, I didn’t say it wasn’t.”

They laughed together, deeply and calmly, not quite knowing what they were laughing about.

“You know, he says the best stuff about you,” Mike suddenly said.

“Erwin? Me? Really?” Levi pulled the most incredulous face he was capable of while blazed.

“Yeah, man. I asked him if he had friends here and he was like, just Levi. Levi gets me.”

“I… get him?” Being high made him almost completely incapable of his usual snide comebacks.

“I mean, it sounds like you tell him everything.”

Levi thought about it. Come to think of it, maybe that was the case. Every night when Erwin came home from work, they talked things over. Frustrations, anecdotes, people, even memories. He knew a lot more about Erwin’s past than he had when they moved in together, and definitely Erwin knew more about him than Levi usually allowed people to find out. It wasn’t about trust or devotion, exactly, it was just…

“Well, we’re comfortable around each other, I guess.”

“I guess,” Mike nodded, and eyed the pimiento cheese. He added that to the hummus and Dorito concoction without much thought. “You know what would be awesome? Pizza with pimiento cheese on it.”

In any other state of mind, Levi might have thought it sounded as disgusting as it actually was. In that moment, though, “Whoa. Yes.”

“Can we _make_ that?”

“I don’t want to get up. I’ll check if we have like… flour… in a minute.”

“Anyway…” Mike took a deep, happy breath. “Dude, if I were the jealous type, I’d be jealous. Only I’m not the jealous type. In fact—“

“ _What are you doing?”_

Erwin was awake. Erwin was in the room. Erwin was a sweet dumb puppy baby who was born and raised in a small town and probably ratted out people in college for getting high in the dorms. He proceeded to drug panic all over the place, and claimed they could lose their lease, and had a small breakdown until Mike and Levi both laughed and covered him in hugs and teased him for being a sweet dumb puppy baby.

It was the best night Levi had in a long time but somehow he couldn’t stop thinking of how rudely his conversation had been interrupted.

~*~

**_Levi’s journal – February 18 th_ **

“IN FACT—“???? “IN FACT” WHAT??? GO ON YOU BEAUTIFUL, WELL-HUNG OX, TELL ME!! I want to be in the middle of that sandwich LET ME IN.

~*~

**_Levi’s journal – later, February 18 th_ **

I keep thinking about Erwin saying The Best Stuff About Me and that actually makes me feel really good, like stupidly good. Oh no.

Oh no.

~*~


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, Vee here. I did it. I finished it. My porn labor of love. My Porna Lisa, if you will.
> 
> Now we can get back to cracking poop jokes and old men being stupid, but enjoy the porn while you're here.
> 
> *sings 'Purple Rain' into the night*

**_Levi’s journal – February 20 th_ **

It is a little-known fact, except to those I genuinely trust, that I love to dance, and that after a couple of homemade Crystal Light mojitos I tend to crank Beyonce on the sound system and throw my booty all over the apartment while I clean. I keep this talent close to my chest not because I’m awful at it, but because I’m actually very good. I just don’t like to broadcast my twerking skills to strangers.

Anyway, earlier tonight I was wearing my favorite shirt and a pair of shorts I’d scored from Hanji because they were too small for her but made my ass look _incredible_. A load of laundry was in the dryer and dishes were in the dishwasher, and I was leaned over the counter checking Facebook while I got into the beat of “Blow” on the backend.

Erwin and Mike were supposed to be out. I’d texted to say I was going to be doing some cleaning when I got home and he said “that’s fine, we won’t be here.” But apparently Erwin is a liar on top of being adorably stupid, because I felt the presence of someone behind me before I could calm myself down and stop the ol’ badonk.

I almost groaned when I heard Mike’s voice instead of Erwin’s; not particularly because I was embarrassed. “Okay…” he started with a smarmy tone only he could get away with. “Damn. I’m here for this.”

Briefly, I turned to him, only long enough to show him I wasn’t going to shrink away from the ogling. “You made your choice. Don’t let your eye wander.” I added a sly pulse of my eyebrows, still dancing.

“My eye’ll wander if you keep shaking that ass like that.”

I chirped on a laugh, let him pass to the refrigerator, and felt mad for a moment. But when I say “a moment” I mean literally just a moment, because “Crazy in Love” started playing then and my hips honestly couldn’t help themselves.

I’d have given him a lap dance if the chance presented itself. All I could think of was grinding on that body, and my ego was riding high on the fact that a male model liked my ass. Maybe I still had a body for porno, after all. Not that I’d ever considered porno.

When Erwin emerged to join Mike on the couch, I pretty much sauntered past him like the hallway was a catwalk, adding that I’d be out when the laundry was done.

“Sorry,” he said, but I heard his voice follow as his head turned to watch me walk by, “we decided to stay home.”

“It’s okay!” I gave him a tight smile before disappearing into my room, and shut the door with one hip.

(Note: I’ve considered porno)

~*~

~*~

~*~

~*~

And then, it was like communication ceased completely. Radio silence. Nothing. Boom, just like that. We’d pass in the apartment or catch each other at the door coming or going, and everyone was suddenly all averted glances and casually awkward conversation. You’d think, for all my forthrightness in most every social situation, I’d be the one to say something to the effect of “so when are we all gonna bone?” but it turns out that’s a very difficult thing to ask. Who would’ve known?

Time was not on our side, was the biggest problem. Mike was leaving for Los Angeles on March 3rd and it was the 1st before I finally had an evening off and everyone managed to convene upon the apartment at the same time. See, that’s the thing I want to point out to everyone, because while you’re in school it seems strangely like parties and adventures and awesome group sex could happen any old day of the week, but when adulthood hits suddenly everyone has jobs, and obligations, and if one person isn’t too tired, another is expected to come in for a shift at six in the morning while the third is working until midnight.

Fresh from having my nose deep in the last few chapters of “A Dance with Dragons”, which I’d been trying to draw out for a few months because god knows when George R. R. Martin will get around to the next one, I slipped into the kitchen and glanced at the couch. Mike and Erwin were draped lazily together. Mike seemed to be napping, but on closer inspection he was actually just intensely focused on the television.

I crept closer until I was sitting on the other edge of the couch. The couch Erwin brought to the apartment when we moved in was huge, by the way, a sectional that made sort of an L shape with cushions too wide to accommodate me comfortably unless I pulled both legs up onto them. Otherwise either my back was too far forward or my feet dangled like a ventriloquist’s dummy, not quite reaching the floor. Mike took up the corner with legs taking up most of one side, while Erwin snuggled next to him across the other.  I was pretty much left with only an edge, so I perched as politely as I could.

“Who even watches Downton Abbey?” I blurted out, probably sounding bitchier than I intended, when I saw what was on the TV. That’s just how my voice is, though; I always sound bitchier than I intend.

I looked over and Erwin met my eyes with what appeared to be a sympathetic expression, but Mike mumbled, “This is actually my favorite show. I’m getting Erwin caught up.”

“Oh… sorry.”

“That’s okay.”

It was so insufferably boring after only five minutes that I wondered whether I should go back to my room or just retrieve my phone and return. The other option was to simply stay, and be fidgety enough that my presence couldn’t be ignored. I didn’t want to ruin my plans by withdrawing too quickly, especially when my plans involved nudity and orgasms.

 “I mean, if you’re not into it, we can watch something else,” Mike finally said, and shifted a little, sighing like he knew Erwin and I were both going walleyed.

“No,” Erwin started with a placating whine. “No, this is your show, I want to watch it with you.”

I rolled my eyes because he was doing the conscientious thing. Being a good boyfriend. _How dare you._ With a sigh I fell back into the couch, slumping, causing a slight ruckus when I did. When I noticed eyes were on me, I did a double-take.

Erwin was smirking. “Did you have other plans for the television?” He asked.

Maybe I caught the suggestive lilt in his voice, or maybe that’s just how Erwin always sounded when he was teasing me. Either way, I pushed a hand through my hair and sighed. “Not for the television, no.”

At that, Mike laughed. “What did I tell you?”

It took me a moment, and a scowl, to gather that he was talking to Erwin, who twisted in his position to turn toward me on the couch. “Mike…”

“Hey, Levi—“ Mike started.

“Mike, don’t,” Erwin interrupted.

“Yeah?” I answered anyway.

“Do you remember a little text conversation we had a few nights ago while I was sort of extremely wasted?” As Mike asked, Erwin groaned and turned his head to bury it against his boyfriend’s chest.

My chest tightened and my heart beat faster despite my annoyance that he would feel the need to _ask_. “Um. Yes.”

He shrugged. “So?”

“I think I made that pretty clear.”

“Actually, you didn’t.” When he pointed it out my jaw dropped open; sometimes I forget tone doesn’t translate well via text, and my sarcasm sometimes doesn’t translate even face-to-face. Mike seemed amused, though, and kept shooting me sidelong glances as Erwin peeked out to look at me as well. “I dropped it because I was embarrassed the next morning and didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

As softly as I could without actually whispering, I said, “Holy shit, you didn’t make me uncomfortable. No, I’m. I’m very okay with the idea.” _I’ve been thinking about it obsessively for days._

“Okay. That’s the way I’ve been reading it, too. But Erwin’s been—“

“Stop!” Erwin swatted up at him, and the sight of him thrashing in a mild tantrum as Mike easily avoided his efforts was, if I may say, slightly arousing. I pulled my legs up onto the cushions to give them my undivided attention. “Hush!”

“—Erwin’s been freaking out about it, saying I never should have said anything.”

My head was spinning, wondering where this was all going and whether Erwin’s weird hang-ups were going to cheat me out of this one. I pressed my fingertips into my temples and decided to just _say it_. “So are we going to fuck? Is that going to happen?”

Erwin stopped struggling and stared at me, unblinking. Mike’s teeth dragged over his bottom lip as he smiled, which was the goddamn sexiest thing I’d ever seen him do. “I mean, if you want to, I’m still down.”

“Okay!” Erwin threw himself into the moment and lifted his hands for our attention. “I’m the one not comfortable with it, because I have no idea what to do!” His cheeks got redder and redder as he spoke. The poor boy needed some vodka before we got started, but time was of the essence. Besides, seeing a hot guy blush has always triggered my prey drive. “The two of you have apparently had lots of threesomes before, but—“

“One,” I said immediately.

“A few,” Mike almost overlapped me. We caught eyes for a second but then we looked right back at Erwin, who braced himself with a deep breath.

“ _Anyway_ … I don’t want to embarrass myself because I’m—“

“Babe.” My eyes fixed on Mike when he said it; who knows why that was such a turn-on to hear – just that, just “babe” – but it was.

“What?” Erwin whined, even as Mike’s arms wrapped around him and he pushed his nose into Erwin’s hair. Erwin was still an uptight retail manager most of the time, especially when his control of a situation was brought into question. “I’m being serious, I don’t want to make this bad for anyone and—“

“ _Babe.”_

“I mean, if you two want to do something and I _watch and learn_ , maybe—“

“Babe, do you want Levi to blow you?”

We all stopped moving, talking, probably thinking. I tilted my head and my eyes went wide, flashing somewhere between impressed and predatory.

Erwin shrank back into Mike’s arms slightly. “….yeah…?”

“Okay, then we’ll start on your cock and go from there; stop thinking I don’t know how to direct these things. Just let it go.” He laughed softly as his hands roamed Erwin’s chest, thumbs pausing to flick over his nipples through his cheap Old Navy t-shirt. Erwin whined and closed his eyes, and I saw his defenses drop ever-so-slightly. _The nipples always work._ “Just trust us.”

I didn’t say much because I didn’t feel like I needed to. These things had always spoken for themselves and this definitely wasn’t going to be first time I’d given Erwin head on the couch while we watched TV. As I moved closer, though, and parted Erwin’s legs for easier access, Mike casually held up the remote control and flipped around a few channels. “Oh, shit, ‘Purple Rain’ is on.”

“What are you doing?” Erwin sounded vaguely offended and I could just imagine the look on his face. I couldn’t see it, really, because I was kissing and rubbing my hands all over the denim on his inner thighs, but I figured my mental picture was pretty clear.

“We need something else in the background if this is gonna go down,” Mike explained. “I can’t fuck with Maggie Smith talking in the background, I’m sorry.”

“Besides,” I lifted my head briefly, already a little breathless from excitement and working into Erwin’s jeans, “’Purple Rain’ is, like, the second sexiest movie in the history of the world.”

“Mmhmm,” Mike hummed his approval, hands roaming beneath Erwin’s shirt, over abs I’d been sorely missing for several weeks.  

“What’s the first?” Erwin asked meekly, his shyness spiking again as I pulled his cock out with an appreciative moan.

I glanced up, just past Erwin’s shoulder, and caught Mike’s eyes. “’Iron Man,’” we said together.

No doubt Erwin was a little perplexed, but Mike and I actually had the conversation shortly before Valentine’s Day, while fantastically stoned and flipping through Netflix queues for hours without watching anything. While we waited for Chinese food to arrive, we ranked every movie we’d seen in terms of sexiness. An hour later we realized we hadn’t even finished ordering the Chinese food online, and just fell asleep on the couch instead. Anyway, that’s the story of one of the few in-jokes we shared.

Whether or not Erwin was perplexed is beside the point, though; he’d better not have been thinking about anything but how good my tongue felt while I licked his cock from base to tip, peppering it with kisses while it grew to its full glory in my hand.

That Mike was watching me only made me more delirious with desire. “Shit,” he said to Erwin, “he’s good at this, isn’t he?”

“Yeah,” Erwin answered weakly, his voice twitching up to a needy tenor as I sucked back on his length, not even embarrassed by the ugly slurping sound I made. “Ah!”

I was silently observed for several seconds before seeking further approval, looking up toward Erwin’s face after proving that nearly two months hadn’t diminished my deep-throating talents at all. He just leaned back into Mike, flushed and open-mouthed while his nipples were pinched and pulled hard.

“Flick your tongue under the ridge of his head, it drives him crazy,” I suddenly heard Mike say, and had to keep from smiling long enough to make my mouth cooperate as I took the advice. My tongue fluttered hard and deftly on what was _obviously_ a sensitive spot, and I was rewarded by a buck of Erwin’s hips as he gasped, cried out, and buried his head against Mike.

The next direction was less poetic: “Suck his balls.”

Now, this I was familiar with. I held Erwin’s cock up while he whined, and bent down to lave his balls with my tongue. Throughout the process I was sure to stick my ass up as provocatively as I could, because damned if I wasn’t vying for some specific attention as well. I opened my lips luxuriously and sucked on the soft skin, and Erwin kept canting gently toward me as I felt a warm drip of precome fall on my hand.

“Don’t take him all the way,” Mike warned me in an almost sweet way, and I felt the cushions shift as he got up. “I’m going to get a few things.”

Don’t get me wrong, my brain was shouting _fuck! Yes! Score!_ Because whatever Mike was going to procure I’d probably be down for, even if it was just the rather obvious lube and condoms. However, all I did was look up when he left the room, kissing up the length of Erwin’s shaft and letting my bottom lip drag over the head of his cock. Erwin shuddered and groaned for me, reaching down to press a palm to his stomach, but words weren’t our _thing_ in that moment. We just looked at each other for a long while before I slurped suddenly and fiercely on him again. He slumped as far back into the cushions as he could, crying out what almost sounded like my name.

He nearly got up the courage to wind his fingers in my hair; I could feel them playing over my head when Mike reentered the room and stepped between us and the ottoman. I glanced up. He was stroking himself casually, naked from the waist down, and all I managed to say was “Whoa,” when I saw him.

I glanced at Erwin as if to ask _can you believe this guy and his body?_ But Erwin’s attention was immediately on Mike. He leaned forward, twisting toward the new cock in the room, a sort of possessed hunger in his eyes as the tip of his tongue poked out to wet his lips, but his efforts were intercepted. Mike pulled him up by the front of his shirt into a kiss and Erwin simply wilted to the gesture. It was a display of control that stunned me to stillness and aroused me to suddenly painful hardness. Where Mike’s fingers clung to Erwin’s shirt he just kept pulling, and their mouths parted only long enough for Mike to pull the shirt off.

I threw myself forward, not content to wait, and pounced on Erwin’s chest to rub my face as thoroughly over it as I could manage before my attention was distracted.

Again, it was distracted by Mike’s voice. “He got you good and hard.” He spoke like a porn star, which made complete sense, but not like a shitty, high-on-amphetamines, less-convincing-than-Britney-Spears-in-‘Crossroads’ porn star, no. He spoke like one of those _good_ porn stars, completely aware of the world wanting him and wanting to obey his every command. “Didn’t he, babe?”

“Yeah,” Erwin gasped against Mike’s mouth.

“You should say thank you,” he suggested, and tore into a condom wrapper with his teeth. I almost whined about how unfairly hot that was until I realized I was literally in the middle of doing something about it.

I shifted back against the arm of the couch and pulled my shirt off, and I couldn’t have been happier that Erwin’s attention went there first. His tongue returned the favor I’d given, flicking fast and hard against one of my nipple rings and then the other while I tugged ruthlessly at his hair, panting and moaning. He gave me such thorough attention to my piercings – pulling them with his teeth just as firmly as I could stand until I cried out, sucking them between his lips until my nipples went momentarily numb – that I actually pouted and whined when he started to kiss down my chest. Then I realized his hands were on the band of my pants. “Oh, yeah…” I reminded myself. “…fuck.”

Erwin’s progress below my waist was impeded on occasion by a silent cry or a sudden gasp of breath, since Mike was hard at work behind him. I couldn’t decide where to focus; Erwin rubbing his pretty face against my hard cock or Mike spreading his asscheeks from behind and dipping his tongue between them while Erwin writhed like a giant whore to the sensation.

I felt momentarily jealous that I’d never eaten his ass, and almost wanted to ask when it could be my turn. Then Erwin put his mind to the task of sucking me off, and I had to struggle to keep my eyes from rolling into the back of my head. The last thing I wanted to allow was taking my eyes off the action, because Mike was plunging slick fingers into my roommate’s ass at that point, and hell yes I was jealous, I was jealous and turned on more than I can fucking believe. I would’ve come right there if I didn’t tell Erwin to “Slow down,” with a little laugh and a quick tug to the longer hair over his ear. “Slow down, baby.”

Mike heard me call him _baby_ , and I feared reprisal for only a second, until I saw the look of mischief in his eye and the delicious smirk curling his lips. “Hold his head down,” he said, the mere suggestion making the back of my neck hot. “Erwin likes being held down.”

I could swear Erwin nodded against me, so I took that advice happily for the next span of seconds, pushing him tightly against me and even thrusting lightly into his throat until Mike said, “Okay…” suggesting only a change of pace was in order. He pulled his hand away from Erwin’s ass, which apparently called for a sharp, vibrating whine against my cock. I swallowed hard and caught my breath, glad that Mike didn’t plunge right in.

No, in fact he seemed to be sort of a tease, tapping the tip of his cock against Erwin’s asshole, asking, “Do you want it now, babe? Do you want me?”

My dick twitched toward Erwin’s lips, no doubt smearing against his cheek, when he turned his head away from me to choke out a reply. “Yeah!” I thought that would be it, since he’d proven less than eloquent in all our time together. But as Erwin pushed his ass toward Mike with a particularly artful roll of his back, he added, “Fuck me… fuck me, big daddy.”

“Whoa, holy shit,” I muttered flatly, panted and reached down to squeeze the base of my cock just in case. “This is new.”

I hadn’t _entirely_ meant to be heard, but of course Mike heard me. “Yes,” his voice rolled on a deep, positively erotic bass vibration as he spoke, pushing into Erwin with slow thrusts of his hips, speaking between the whimpering gasps he received in response. “You like getting fucked like a little bitch, don’t you, babe?”

“I… I…” Erwin managed to latch his lips once on my cock before he finally forced a reply. “I love it, I love it when you fuck me with your big cock, my god.”

“Holy shit,” I whispered again, this time managing to keep it soft enough that I wasn’t heard.

Erwin still wasn’t completely in control of his sexual energy, though, and getting his ass filled with Mike’s considerable distraction of a cock made it difficult for him to concentrate on servicing mine. All the better, though, because I would have exploded like Old Faithful if he’d kept on while I watched him getting railed into next week.

“Ohhh…” Erwin’s moans, I’d heard before, albeit muffled through the wall and not landing with hot breath against my thighs. I just petted his hair and enjoyed the show for what it was (which was: _fucking awesome)_. “Mike, baby… fuck me, baby…”

I whined right along with Erwin this time when Mike pulled out; I’d been eager to witness a spanking, at least.

Then, I got one. It was so sudden, I almost wondered if I’d been imagining it. But, the way Erwin’s hot cheek suddenly fell against my thigh and he shouted unintelligibly, I thought _nah, that definitely happened._

“Do it again,” I dared to suggest, and Mike shrugged playfully before smacking Erwin’s ass again.

“Yes!” Erwin cried loudly. “Keep… keep…”

“Turn around and I’ll keep fucking you. But you’ve got a job, if I do.”

Erwin was already shifting around, leaving me with the glorious view of both their bodies on full display, directly in my line of sight. “Okay?”

Mike didn’t answer him, but he did crawl forward to kiss Erwin’s mouth passionately before he drew back to haul him over by the knees and take up residence in his ass again. Slow about it, careful not to overstimulate myself, I tugged at my cock and smirked at how different it was to see the actual images I’d already tried so valiantly to apply to these sounds over many loud but lonely nights.

“Levi,” Mike said.

I pointed at myself and chirped like there might have been some confusion over who he meant.

“Yeah,” he panted, and I reached down to finally pull my pants off the leg they were tangled around. Instead of answering me with words (he seemed busy, after all), Mike just snapped his fingers lightly and pointed at Erwin’s face.

I was confused for a moment, and Erwin glanced back at me as much as he could, himself rather busy being fucked by Mike with long, slow thrusts that moved him beautifully on the cushions in front of me. Then, since I’m supposed to be the smart one, I attempted to put two and two together. “Do you want him to suck me from here?” It would make for a good money shot, after all. Spit-roasting Erwin in two different positions hadn’t even entered into my fantasies before, but wow was it there with a vengeance now. “Sounds good.”

“Nah, let him rim you,” he corrected me.

I gulped cartoonishly and paused. “Oh. Oh, that’s… that’s even better.”

I was impatient, so I was already straddling Erwin’s face before I realized how much I wanted to flaunt my ass at Mike. Instead I was still facing him while he kept up the lazy rhythm of a deep, sensuous fuck, leaving Erwin free to concentrate on the task.

He’d been so _whiny_ and _twitchy_ about eating ass at first, when we started sleeping together, which I told him was a joke because if anyone took pains to ensure a pleasant experience for his partner, it was me. “That’s a good point,” he’d said. “You’re sort of obsessively clean.” “Just put your tongue in me,” I’d responded, but even at my pushiest I’d actually never just spread myself over his mouth like this.

I got exhibitive about it, because _of course I did_ , while Erwin spread me wide and licked inside me. My cock dripped on his chest and I reached out, leaning forward, but I couldn’t reach his for anything more than a courtesy rub. The distance made me pout, as I seemed wont to do when I couldn’t get my sexual way.

Dwelling on it wasn’t in the cards, though, because Erwin’s work made my head jerk back, and I groaned ecstatically as he turned me inside out with that tongue.

“Levi, do you mind if I get a little rough?” Mike asked, so unexpectedly sweet I couldn’t believe it at first.

I sputtered in reaction before finding my words. “Wh-what? I just… no, god no. Rough is good, yes.”

Mike reached out and grabbed me by the hair, and tore me off of Erwin. I felt like a ragdoll under his strength, feather light as he hauled me closer to the spot where their hips joined.

“I was gonna finish eating that,” Erwin said, slightly indignant. I just groaned because he’d probably been saving his single oral sex threesome joke since the whole thing started, and it was still corny. At least it stopped me from coming right on the spot.

In retaliation, I fastened my lips on his cock, coaching myself to the rhythm of Mike’s hips, sucking back on Erwin every time he thrust in.

Without even being told, Erwin continued down the obvious path, and seconds later I lost my breath and nearly bit down on his cock when wet fingers screwed against my ass, pushing in. He’d never been timid about fingering me, which was a blast to experience under most circumstances. This was a special circumstance, though. “ _Oh_ my god, I almost bit your dick off, give me some warning next time.”

“You wouldn’t,” he murmured, in one of those rare moments of diamond-brilliant Erwin sexiness, and his slippery fingers twisted deeper in. “You’d miss it.”

It was an awkward thing for him to say in front of his boyfriend, but I was hardly thinking about that. I closed my eyes and folded my arms over his stomach, rocking back into the touch, unaware of Mike’s presence somehow.

Mike had a way of reminding me he was there in the most fantastic ways, though, and when I felt his fingers scratch teasingly at the bottom of my neck I lifted my head from the brief meditative trance Erwin’s fingers had put me in.

Apparently, he was through fucking Erwin for the immediate future. He’d stripped the condom off and his cock was standing there, flushed and beautiful, nudging up against Erwin’s and right in front of my face. “Oh, _fuck_ , it’s not my birthday again, is it?”

Behind me, Erwin snickered, and I appreciated that.

I couldn’t fit one hand comfortably around both of their cocks, but I tried, clutching my fingers over the taut skin and thick veins, mouth watering as I licked over both heads and the taste mingled on my tongue. Mike tasted like a condom, but I didn’t care.

“Whose is bigger?” Mike asked me, playfully confident in my answer.

I glanced up at him, like _how did you know I was thinking of that?_

“Yours, barely,” I said in my slinkiest voice, and kept looking up at him as I sucked the head. “But Erwin’s is prettier.” Not that Mike’s was ugly, by _any means_ , but I wanted to earn a third finger up my ass. I knew how to play to Erwin’s vanities, and sure enough, he was actually stretching me with his pinky included within seconds. I moaned and spread my thighs as wide as the couch cushions would allow. Bless his generosity and strong arms, Erwin actually lifted one of my legs to help.

“He does have a pretty cock, doesn’t he?” Mike growled.

“Mmhmm.”

“Tastes good, doesn’t it?”

I sucked on Erwin and answered, “Mmhmm.”

He was rustling up my hair with touches somewhere between “a little rough” and “angelically tender”. No wonder Erwin liked him so much, I thought with a tinge of bitterness I’d dwell on more later. Much later. “You love that cock in your tight little ass, don’t you?”

“Mmm!”

I was completely aware of the fact that Erwin was still stirring deep inside me, crooking his touch over my prostate. Thank goodness I’d cultivated the talent of postponing my own orgasms, a talent that was much easier to exercise when I could concentrate on trying desperately to fit my mouth over two huge cocks at once.

“Greedy, greedy, greedy…” Mike purred, fisting his fingers tightly and then running them back through my hair. “I like that.”

He breathed heavily before going on. “Erwin told me you’re a greedy bottom, too, that you love to get fucked.”

I paused and couldn’t keep from smiling, stroking Mike while I teased Erwin’s cockhead with my tongue again. “Did he really, in those words?”

“I may have mentioned something,” Erwin spoke up sensuously from my opposite end.

“Well, say it,” I snapped. I’d missed his voice saying those things.

“You love to get fucked.” He really wrapped his lips around the words, and I could hear that. He also definitely shoved his fingers in to their deepest when he said it, flowering them out to stretch me wide. I dropped my head between my shoulders to moan against Erwin’s stomach in response.

“That’s right, that’s so fucking right.” I found a bead of precome under my tongue when I licked back over his cock, still holding shakily onto Mike’s. “Mmm…”

“Tell him you want it now,” Mike ordered me.

I gasped off of him and turned halfway to say, “Erwin, please fuck me.”

He had to miss it, after all. No way even Mike’s monster cock was giving him the same thrill as being squeezed to a spurting mess by my perfect ass. But Erwin, being a glutton for foreplay sometimes, just moaned happily and grabbed me by the thighs, jerking me back to rub his stupid perfect aquiline nose up the slick valley of my suddenly empty ass. I clenched with a needy whine and felt his tongue flick out again on the tender rim of my asshole, and I stretched toward him like a cat, clawing at the cushions, growling impatiently as I looked up at Mike.

“Don’t be a tease,” Mike said warningly, and slapped at Erwin’s rump. I felt him exhale a sharp breath against me, and it was enough of a totally foreign feeling that I wriggled and gave a pleasant chirp of approval. “Fuck him.”

“Should I--?” Still short of breath from the building intensity, I looked to Mike for direction, scooting forward on Erwin’s chest while he sighed pleasantly in my wake.

With a flip wave of his hand Mike cut me off, chuckling at the little yelp I gave when he clutched my arm and dragged me forward. I was arranged with seemingly no effort at all, and I wanted to tell him I’d hire him out to carry me everywhere if that was a career option he’d ever considered. When I was once again aware of my own position, I was straddling Erwin’s waist, facing him.

My giddiness took over for a moment that was positively uncharacteristic, and I greeted Erwin with a chipper, “Hello again!”

He just closed his eyes and dared to shake his head at _me,_ like _I_ was the resident embarrassment.

Mike’s hands snaked around my chest, pawing at me while his mouth finally sucked kisses against my shoulders and neck. As he did, I reached down and almost let the forward momentum of the situation get the better of me, ready to just sink down onto Erwin’s waiting cock before my hand was swatted away.

“Just hang on,” Mike mentioned.

The preparation took longer than it should have, probably because Mike felt the need to douse Erwin in approximately an entire bottle of lube and took pains to shove a towel beneath us to catch the runoff, a courtesy I at least appreciated. The whole time he went about it he told me what a gorgeous ass I had, going so far as to say he’d thought about fucking me since we first met.

“I woudn’t have said no,” I said, winking at Erwin because I’m also a shameless slut.

Erwin and I watched each other, bizarrely focused and intensely silent after that. I pinched at my piercings and watched his nostrils flare while I did, and by the time I was running my tongue hungrily over my teeth, Mike finally at long-goddamn-last whispered on my ear, “Okay.”

I held Erwin’s cock still and lowered myself onto it, keeping my eyes on his as my mouth opened wide with the pressure. “Fuck…” I finally whispered.

“Good?” Mike asked.

I just moaned and closed my eyes, finally breaking contact with Erwin’s gaze and rolling my head back against his boyfriend’s shoulder.

 _Good,_ I thought. _Good doesn’t begin to describe it, dick game got me like—_

“Whoa,” I gasped as I felt Mike’s cock press against my back while he kissed me.

“This was a great idea,” Erwin managed, and I just smirked and rode him harder.

“Fuck, fuck I’ve gone too long, I’m gonna come soon,” I panted.

Mike said, “Don’t you fucking dare yet.” Which was a bold move considering that his voice in that tenor, whispered against my ear while his cock rubbed against my back was enough to make me cream on a moment’s notice. Somehow I gritted my teeth and stopped my hips from their piston rhythm. Erwin, too, growled in frustration at this.

“What the fuck else? What now?”

Mike’s palm connected roughly with my back and I yelped quietly, falling forward. I was so close to Erwin’s face. I could kiss him, if he just arched a little closer, and—

_No! No, Levi, bad Levi! He’s not your boyfriend and you’re stuffed full of his cock, isn’t that what you wanted? Kisses are for **nerds**_ **.** _You’re not a **nerd** , are you?_

I shook my head at my own train of thought and Erwin quirked an eyebrow at me, but just as quickly seemed caught up in the only part of the situation I was apparently never meant to be privy to until the last minute.

“Let me know if this is too much,” Mike said, and without the ability to turn around I just gave Erwin a severe, questioning expression.

I felt the tip of Mike’s cock press against my ass where it was already sealed quite firmly around Erwin’s, _thankyouverymuch,_ and my eyes flew open. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

A tacit silence marked what probably should have been me going over the pros and cons in my mind, but was actually just me mentally screaming and clutching my face and wondering what I’d done to be on such good terms with god. “Well? Go on.”

“Levi…” Erwin breathed, and without really thinking I pursed my lips at him in what I figured would be one of my last moments to pull an attractive sex face.

Wow, let me tell you, the anus is an amazing thing. I talked a big game in my early 20’s about wanting to take two dicks at once but it was always the matter of _the guys attached to those dicks_. If I couldn’t trust one or both of them, fuck that. I trusted my body to bend to the whims of my cock-gluttony but didn’t trust just anyone to treat my body with the necessary care to achieve that goal.

Mike was gentle and slow, pressing against me just to get me used to the pressure, backing off again, sliding fingers inside me before finally saying, “Okay, it’s going in.”

I shored up every bit of pain tolerance I had but it turns out I didn’t really need it. Like I said, the anus is an amazing thing, and once I’d been blown open on Erwin’s cock I guess it just said “you know what, come on in, what’s the point anymore?”

That doesn’t make it sound as sexy as it was. It was very sexy, and mostly because of Erwin’s face as the head of Mike’s cock pushed in slick and hot against his, trapping him even tighter inside me, pushing him even deeper. He’s got a strangely angelic face already, for all of its hard angles and bizarrely erotic eyebrows, but the flush crept into his cheeks again and his eyes fell nearly closed, and he just kept pushing his lips together and holding onto my hips, saying, “Oh, god… oh, _god_ …” while I reached back and grappled for Mike’s shoulders.

They could probably feel every single beat of my pulse all around their big, beautiful dicks as Mike commanded every shallow thrust. Everything I did was amplified. “How does it feel?” I finally asked, shocked at how thin and rough my words were when I managed them.

The strange, breathtakingly intense eye contact with Erwin continued and he just said, “Wow.”

Music to my ears, honestly. I laughed and apparently that was a sensation that vibrated my entire body, because Mike moaned hard on my shoulder and tightened his fingers on my widespread thigh in approval.

“How does it feel for you?” Erwin asked.

“I love it,” I really chewed on the words as I said them, and arched my back. It felt like everything between my knees and my abdomen was completely out of my control, like every bit of stimulation was just being thrust (literally) upon me and I had no power to regulate it. What a great feeling, honestly, especially when Erwin’s cock was the one that kept rubbing against my prostate once we managed a steady rhythm.

That might have been in bad taste to point out, though, so I just cooed again, “I love it,” and moaned, and moaned again, and felt the tension and heat rising up through my chest and tightening my brain. When I got near an orgasm I was 90000% more likely to say stupid things.

“Erwin, god, make me come!” I blurted out, drooling from one corner of my mouth as Mike tried to pound harder into me. It just made the contact even more electric where it already was. Erwin’s hand barely touched my cock for ten seconds, but I’d been waiting to feel the warmth of it and use the excuse to screw my eyes shut, pushing a few tears of exertion out. “Yes!”

Now… when I say _“explosive orgasm”_ you might be thinking something different. Whatever you’re thinking, let me dispel any possible misconceptions and say that I came so hard a drop actually managed to connect with Erwin’s chin, and the rest of that beautiful, chiseled chest wound up looking like Jackson Pollack went through a very gay white period. It was as if Erwin _liked_ getting come all over him, because he tensed into his own climax not a few seconds later, while I was still fluttering tight around his cock and Mike’s. “Jesus Christ, Levi,” he murmured, and I slumped back into Mike’s chest to literally ride out the rest of the situation while the apartment’s acoustics amplified the cacophony of manly moans and skin slapping together.

My fingers curled in Mike’s hair and I pulled him close, still watching Erwin while his hand squeezed every last drop from my cock. “Yes… yes…” I chanted on every breathless throw of hips, and Mike let out a long, hard sigh against me before melting into his own orgasmic bliss.

Everything became a heavy, sweaty, panting _slump_ after that, and I needed Mike to physically remove me from the two cocks that were staying remarkably stiff inside of me. Trembling, I started to laugh as I slid into the corner of the sectional, and I kept laughing softly like a man possessed until Mike pulled me in to kiss my forehead. I whimpered and sighed happily, and while hands roamed with towels it all blurred together.

Somehow we were all gathered in the corner, eventually, far enough apart that our bodies had a chance to breathe and cool off, but close enough that I still felt okay, not immensely lonely like I thought I might.

Mike and Erwin kissed lazily in front of me, and I slouched against Erwin’s shoulder. We didn’t say much. We were all smiling so we didn’t really need to.

 “Can I get a goodnight kiss?” I asked, running a finger over Erwin’s cheek, trying not to seem needy but obviously failing.

He smiled, kind of tender and kind of proud of himself, and our lips pressed together.

I was such a nerd for him.

Just before it became apparent that we had to surrender ourselves to mass naptime or pack it up for our separate bedrooms, I sighed against Erwin’s neck: “Next time, I’m fucking you.”

“We’ll have to arrange a way for everyone to meet up for my birthday,” Mike said, nudging my ear with his nose.

That wasn’t what I meant, exactly, but I was happy to let it slide.


End file.
